What is the scariest thing ever?

How long it's been since you changed your sheets
That the phone call was coming from INSIDE the house.
Clowns at parties.
Flying Monkeys from The Wizard Flying of Oz.

My favorite kind of sex is:?

phone
manual
vaginal
anal

I love making out:

in bed
on the couch
in the back of a car
under a table at the company picnic

What’s your favorite food?

A crisp garden salad drizzled with raspberry vinaigrette
Bran
Chicken fried steak with country gravy
A baked potato with all the fixin’s

My favorite way to receive oral sex is:

lying down in bed
sitting on the couch
standing in front of the mirror
squatting over my lover’s face

When I masturbate, I most often use:

just one hand
both hands
a vibrator
something with a gas-powered engine

Which virtue is most important in the bedroom?

patience
diligence
generosity
beauty

Which mystery of the universe do you find most troublesome?

Whether life is chaotic or predestined.
The existence of a higher power.
The popularity of celebrity poker.
People who claim thongs are more comfortable than regular underwear.

In the nightstand, I always keep _______ handy:

a vibrator
batteries
condoms
a “Take a Number” sign

As far as I’m concerned, anal sex is:

limited to rimming
a very special, very intimate treat
something I’m dying to try
not just for breakfast anymore

Before I found out, I thought the “reverse cowgirl” was:

a group dance like the “electric slide”
an Asian country music band
some new-fangled wrestling move
another indy flick starring Parker Before Posey

It’s just not sex without:

the feel of my lover’s embrace
the scent of my lover’s arousal
the sound of my lover pleading “Fuck me!”
the taste of my rubber ball gag