Butt-Clenched

Dear Rachel and Claire,
I like to think of myself as a generally adventurous female, but one thing makes me uncomfortable—anal sex. Whenever my boyfriend and I have tried it, I've felt as if I'm about to "move my bowels." We were never able to continue for more than a few moments—I felt too uncomfortable. Any suggestions?

Butt-Clenched

A:

Dear Butt-Clenched:

A few things: Try building up more slowly. As your body gets used to the feeling of anal penetration, you won't have that overwhelming sense of needing to poo. That's because now that’s your association with fullness in the rectum. As you have positive anal penetration experiences your body will learn to tell the difference between needing a bathroom break and super-fantastic orgasm-inducing anal stimulation.

Play around with fingers and small sex toys before moving up to something as big as a penis. Just do things that feel good, which usually means starting with a lubed finger and then (maybe at a later sex date) try two fingers. Let pleasure be your guide.

I realize this may be a disappointment to your guy, but his patience will pay off--even if you never want to go all the way, his exquisite attention to your enjoyment will be a reward unto itself. And most likely you’ll be fucking like crazy in no time.

Good luck!