Fear of Pain

Dear Rachel and Claire,

My hubby wants to try anal sex with me. I'm scared to death, it's going to hurt. I DON'T LIKE PAIN...especially when it comes to sex! We are both in our early 40's and we LOVE SEX. BUT,when he asks me, if we could try it that way...I tense up, and the mood is gone. I don't want this to 'kill' our sex life! Its not like I don't trust my hubby, cause I do. What can I do to overcome this fear of pain?

-Butt Scared    

A:

Dear Butt Scared,

It sounds like you two have a good sexual partnership so applying the Babeland butt sex mantra of "relaxation, lubrication and communication" should be no problem. Most people fear anal sex because of painful past experience, but if you go slow and only do what feels good, you will soon find that the backdoor leads to a paradise of pleasures.

First off, get your man’s agreement that you are in charge—you get to say when, how much, how fast, how deep—everything. Start with anal exploration—a rosebud massage (the rosebud being the anus), which does not necessarily lead to penetration, much less the painful ass-pounding you fear. Get yourselves a good thick lube like Babelube or Maximus or for a quick bit of inspiration, check out our article How to Have Butt Sex. If the massage is feeling good, experiment with a finger, remembering to relax, and push (like you're going to the bathroom) as he inserts a finger. Once inside you might also find combining clitoral stimulation really puts you over the top. Playing with toys is a good way to ease into penetration, start with the smaller smooth Silk dildos and work your way up to your husband’s Johnson.

And don’t forget, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander too!