He Can't Come During Sex
Dear Rachel and Claire,
I read all the time about how to prevent premature ejaculation, but my boyfriend has the opposite problem: he can't have an orgasm during intercourse. I'm his first partner (he is not my first) and we've been together for two years, but he still only gets off with a hand job. He says that when we have sex and when I blow him it feels "nice" and "good" but the sensation never moves beyond that point. The very small amount of information that we've been able to find suggested seeing a sex therapist, which is far outside of our budget.
What can we do?
--Helping Hand
A:
Dear Helping:
This is so much more typical of a situation a woman would have. And as we say to the many women who are in similar straits, it's great that he's found a reliable way to have an orgasm.
To expand his orgasmic repetoire, keep exploring, and try not to be too goal oriented. Focus instead on the pleasurable sensations. Let them build up almost to the point of orgasm and then back off. Do this a few times until he is really ready to pop. Then try intercourse. Generally raising the level of arousal helps generate an orgasm with a lesser level of sensation.
Also do kegel exercises yourself to build up your vaginal muscles. Then you can squeeze him tighter, which may help bring him to orgasm.
As for the blow-jobs, combine a handjob on the shaft with a blow-job on the tip. Or get him most of the way with a blow-job and finish him off with your hand.
The way it is now is not the way it always will be, so keep enjoying each other and things will change, they always do.
Good Luck!
