Lost
Dear Rachel and Claire,
I have been out of a relationship for 8 months, and since then I've found that my sex drive has dropped off dramatically. Even fantasy self-play has become lackluster. I feel the sensual side of me, which enjoyably dominated my personality, has up and gone. I don't know how to get it back or cope with its being gone. Any pointers would be great.
-lost
A:
Dear Lost,It doesn’t sound like you need tips or techniques for masturbation as much as you need to give yourself space to be less interested in sex for a while. Over the course of a lifetime it’s normal for libido to vary. Think about it- as humans, we’re influenced by all sorts of factors which can decrease our sex drive (war and concern for the state of the world come to mind), and if I can make so bold as to quote the bible in a sex advice column, “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven…” It goes on about reaping and sowing etc. but in your case, I would modify it to “a time to masturbate like crazy, and a time to do other things.” So my first thought is don’t be too demanding of yourself, and trust that your sex drive will come back.
Another possibility is that you are depressed. One of the symptoms of depression is loss of sex drive. Treating the depression will help revive your libido.
Our basic advice is to be loving and nurturing of yourself. Throughout the day ask yourself “How am I feeling?” and “What do I need?” That should help build self-awareness and contribute to a return a juicier self-love life.
In the meantime, if masturbation is less satisfying, a powerful vibrator such as the Hitachi Magic Wand can make getting off easier and if you want to inspire your erotic imagination, explore erotic fiction or sexy movies for fresh ideas that may jump start your imagination.
Good Luck-
