My Girlfiriend and I Can't Orgasm

Dear Rachel and Claire,

My girlfriend and I have been together for over a year now, and both of us have been with men in years past. Neither of us has ever had an orgasm, which is frustrating! We have great sex but for some reason no orgasms. I don't even know what to expect (maybe it has happened and I didn't recognize it?). Both of us have attempted occasional masturbation, but at least for me it's never really worked. It's either too much work or it's just not the same as having another person touch me. Are we doomed to be orgasm-less forever?

-Desperate for More

A:

Dear Desperate For More,

Nope. First off, you must get the Hitachi Magic Wand. I bet that its powerful vibrations will give each of you your first big Os. If not write back and we’ll go to Plan B. But meanwhile, once you’ve got those Magic Wand Orgasms, don’t stop there. Pay attention to the feeling of sexual arousal building up and releasing in your body. That body knowledge will help you learn to do it without a vibrator. When you get really turned on with your girl during sex, don’t chase the orgasm too much, head towards it and then back off, letting the intensity build up. Eventually you will come without the vibrator.

Another thing to think about is that you are exploring your erotic edges together. If you’ve got some longing or sexy idea that’s unexpressed, share it with each other. Exploring new things is inherently exciting and arousing.

Lastly, you’re already having great sex so don’t get too hung up on pursuing orgasmic bliss. It’ll happen and you don’t want the hunt to become a drag on the happy time you are having now. If you want more help, check our our longer How to Have an Orgasm.