Seeking Something

Dear Rachel and Claire,
Do you have any tips on how I could make my solo sex life more satisfying?  I know what to do to get myself off, but I want something more. Is this all there is?

Seeking Something

A:

Dear Seeker,

Self-pleasuring is “the love affair that will last a lifetime” according to Betty Dodson, masturbation guru and author of Sex For One the premier. Varying your masturbatory life is as fun and rewarding as mixing things up during partner sex.

Three great ways to do this are to vary your techniques, your fantasies, and your locale.  If you always use your hands, try using some sex toys for a change.  The Hitachi Magic Wand is the vibrator best known for sending women into cascades of multiple orgasms.  Or try using a dildo (Leo is a popular choice) or a Little Flirt butt plug for some penetrative variety.  Men might want to try a Fleshlight or an anal toy of their own.

Add variety to your fantasy life.  Even if you always masturbate on your back in bed at 11 at night with a vibrator, an exciting internal erotic life may be all the spice you need.  If you’re stuck in a rut with the same old fantasy, try adding some new elements or a whole new scenario.  Try a video or an erotica collection like Best Women’s Erotica for inspiration.  If new characters or plotlines don’t work you can always come back to what’s tried and true-- so there is no risk to experimentation.  The greatest sex organ is between the ears after all, so you might as well use it.

Another way to make masturbation different is to do it in a new place.  Outside in the fresh air and sunshine is great, or maybe a surreptitious wank on the morning commuter train is appealing to you.  If you only feel safe doing it at home, make the moment special with a sexy outfit, candlelight and sexy music.