Strap-On Persuasion

Dear Rachel and Claire,
My partner has never used a strap on dildo before and I am the first for her. We have been together for a year and the sex is great but she doesn't use the strap on and I want/need the penetration that the strap on offers. Please help me help her.

Stymied about Strap-ons

A:


Dear Stymied,

Lots of women are resistant to strapping on a dildo. The reasons vary: it makes them feel ridiculous, or inadequate, or artificial, or it’s too expensive, or too funny looking. Whatever your gal’s reasons for not using a strap on, the fact is you want it, and she should at least try it before ruling it out completely for sex play.

Strap-ons are a common activity of lesbian sex, probably number three after hand jobs and cunnilingus. By comparison, it’s not some fringe activity like dressing up as Mr. Spock and going to a Star Trek convention. This is mainstream dyke sex we’re talking about here. If she wants to keep the fires blazing with you, she’s got to step up and be willing to take a few risks. No dildo, no matter how floppy, looks as ridiculous as Vulcan ears.

Leather Terra Firma Harness with Leo silicone dildoIt sounds like you may have the toys already, but if not, get something of good quality. I recommend the Jaguar Harness and a silicone dildo that appeals to you. For lots of info on choosing a rig, check out our Shopping Advice for dildos and harnesses.

The most important factor is willingness. It takes a little practice to get comfortable with a strap-on, so give it a few goes. Holding on to the base of the toy should help her keep track of where it is, and your pleasure will be a huge turn on for her. For more strap-on fun, check out How To Suck Strap-On Cock, our guide to oral sex with strap-ons.

Good Luck!