(or The Best is Yet to Come!)

As teenage girls, my friends and I giggled knowingly at pajama parties, thinking of boys reaching their "sexual prime" between the ages of 16 and 18. We also knew that, as girls, we matured faster than boys but that the season of our prime would not begin for another couple of decades. Twenty years was more than a whole lifetime at that point and with so much living yet to do, the fascination with sexual primes faded.

Last month, I turned forty and, having lived a "whole lifetime" since high school, I've been thinking again about the female sexual prime. I looked at the characteristics that defined the chapters of my journey as a sexual woman.

In my twenties, who I was and how I felt was almost always dependant on a partner. With the "right person," I would experience passion, raunchiness, love and affection. I was a sexual person but I had no well-defined sexual self.

By my thirties, self-knowledge (often resulting from these relationships) had ripened. I could make some statements with authority regarding who I was sexually, such as "I'm more aroused by relationships that include SM play" and even "I'm not interested in casual sex." These realizations affirmed and solidified in me a sense of sexual wholeness.

So I'm thinking about how to recognize and enhance my sexual prime. One thing is certain: my sexual prime really can't be compared to a teenage boy's. For this woman, my "golden season" will not be notable for quantity and endurance. I feel within me an appreciation and desire for quality. For myself and those I will love, it is rich and patient and sincere. It is the beginning of my sexual prime!