G Marks the Spot:

Female Ejaculation For Couples

An Interview with Female Ejaculation Expert Debbie Sundahl

With the release of the classic video How to Female Ejaculate in 1992, Deborah Sundahl became one of the foremost experts on the G-spot and female ejaculation. The video, featuring several women who demostrate their ejaculation techniques, was the first educational resource to address female ejaculation. With a background in producing authentic portrayals of feminist desire in On Our Backs,  Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot and with Fatale Video, Sundahl now writes books like , produces educational videos like Female Ejaculation for Couples and "Tantric Journey to Female Orgasm," and gives workshops in G-spotting and female ejaculation.

What do you tell people who say they "don't believe" in the existence of the G-spot and female ejaculation?

The G-spot is the female prostate. Two years ago, the medical establishment finally acknowledged the existence of the female prostate by giving it a sanctioned anatomical term: "female prostate." The G-spot creates prostatic fluid, which is what female ejaculate is. All women have a prostate, just as all men do. Therefore, all women can ejaculate.


The urge to ejaculate feels like the urge to pee. Most women have felt this urge at least once in their lives and shut it down—stopped ejaculating—because peeing during sex is unthinkable.


Another reason women don't ejaculate is that Western medicine has held the view that the female prostate is "vestigial"—shriveled up, nonfunctional, and analogous to the male organ. So we haven't known it even exists. "Not believing" there is a G-spot is like "not believing" you have a heart. Maybe you don't, on an emotional level, but on a physical level it’s ridiculous to say that. The female prostate has been found, dissected, studied down to its cellular level, and most recently given a legitimate medical name. It's there. The task at hand now is to get it working again, unclogging the fountain so we can begin spouting freely!

What advice would you give to Margaret Cho, who has famously joked that she can't find her own G-spot?

In ten years we will laugh at ourselves for not being able to find our G-spots because that will be like saying we don't know where the tip of our nose is. We have been acting as though this vague magic button is lost somewhere in the vast ocean of the vagina.


However, in most women the G-spot is right there at the opening to the vagina. This is because in 70% of women, the female prostate begins at the urethral opening (what I call the 'head' of the G-spot) and extends along the urethral canal about two inches (the 'tail'). Since the urethral canal parallels the vaginal canal, this means that the G-spot's 'head' can be felt at the vaginal opening.


In my new DVD, Female Ejaculation for Couples, you can literally see the G-spot. You can see its ridges! The three women in my video simply use their vaginal muscles to push the G-spot out of the vagina. If you spread the labia lips, you can see the vaginal opening and the G-spot's ridges. You can also see the G-spot's ridges (what I call the body) when each of them ejaculates. We haven't seen the G-spot because we haven't differentiated the G-spot from the vagina. In other words, there are parts to the vagina, and the G-spot is one of them. We don't know this, so we don't even see it. That's why I made Female Ejaculation for Couples—to put to rest the question "Where is it?"

How did you discover your own G-spot?

I 'found' it the day I ejaculated. I wasn't trying. It just happened. So, I read the famous book, The G-Spot (1984). I learned all about the G-spot’s distinctive orgasms and muscles, its erectile tissue, and how it swells when stimulated—and that some women ejaculate from this stimulation.

What's your favorite G-Spot toy?

My favorite toy, which I used to re-create that first initial surprise experience of ejaculation, was a Plexiglas dildo that looked like a penis with an exaggerated lip. I discovered that the lip stimulated what I now call the "tail" of my G-spot. That area was most sensitive to me, and allowed me to truly feel my G-spot. Yum!


I needed the hardness—softer dildos didn't create any G-spot sensation. I also needed the hardness to create ejaculate fluid; ie, to stimulate my G-spot enough so it would swell with ejaculate. These days, now that my G-spot has grown in sensitivity, I can arouse it with my finger because not only my G-spot's tail but its head is awakened. I can even feel it in my body without touch when I get aroused. The locus of my erotic sensation has changed from some vague 'down there' feeling to this deep urge located in my G-spot.

Female Ejaculation and the G-spot

What tips do you give to a woman trying to find her G-spot and/or learning to ejaculate?

In my book, Female Ejaculation and the G-spot, I give step by step instructions on how to 1) Find Your G-spot; 2) Awaken Your G-spot, and 3) How to Ejaculate.

  1. Sit down with a mirror and towel and determine if you are of the majority of women whose G-spot begins at the urethral opening. You spread your labia lips, push out with your vaginal (PC) muscles and look at it.
  2. Relax and breathe, touching your spot with various techniques I describe in the book, to get to know what it feels like to touch it. It's essential to relax and begin to feel its sensations. Concentrate more on what it feels like than on any technique. Get to know your G-spot. Feel it swell with arousal and stimulation.
  3. At that point, you can ejaculate without an orgasm by simply pushing out. Let go of the fear of urinating and just push out. If you are truly aroused and your G-spot stimulated (not your clitoris, your G-spot), you will push out ejaculate fluid, not urine.

Considering that most of us were raised not look at, touch, or think much about our pussies, a lot of us still suffer from pussy-issues as adults. How do you start to love your body and your pussy, so that you can start exploring greater sexual options—and a more satisfying sex life?

Self affirmations are very effective. "I love my pussy. I have a beautiful pussy. My pussy loves to be touched. It loves to be open and sensitive. My pussy is worthy to be loved." Repeat every day, twice a day for two months. You'll be amazed the change these simple words can create.


The biggest obstacle to self-love is the "I am worthy" problem. I don't think we can even fathom as women how disrespected we are on every level in this culture. Until a woman is consistently approached in a loving and respectful manner toward her body by her partners, the health care system, advertising and television, until we stop feeling we need to please and learn how to fully receive, then feeling worthy will always be a battle.


If pussy is not respected, we are not respected. Pussy shuts down. She will not feel. We will not want to look at her or touch her because she expresses pain when we do. We will not want to hear what she has to say because she is either pissed off or sad. We will stay removed from our bodies, and she will stay rigid and perform out of obligation and force rather than joy and love.

What do you say to folks who pursue G-spotting because they're longing for the "right" orgasm—one from penetration alone without any clitoral stimulation?

I think sex educators bend over backwards to say repeatedly there is no 'right' way or 'best' way.We say that sexuality is a process, a reflection of who we are and where we are on that journey. Obviously these women are on a journey to have a vaginal orgasm. That's their choice, so kudos to their brave explorations and success!


As a female, sex-positive culture, we are on a journey moving from the clitoris to vaginal sensitivity. This is big news and a defining moment in female sexuality. I say 'vaginal sensitivity' because the vagina is where the G-spot is felt and experienced. To awaken our vaginal sensitivity we need to back off on our clitoral stimulation a bit to explore the sensations of our G-spot. Because the G-spot has a different nerve than the clitoris, and because its sensation is one of deep love, it requires a different approach - slow stimulation, awareness of physical sensation over intellectual fantasies, and connection to our partner.


I say toss the vibrator in a box for awhile, and learn the joys of heightened physical sensation created through relaxation and breath. It is through that path that you will awaken your vaginal orgasm and experience more pleasure there than most of us can fathom.

Do you have any upcoming projects we should look out for? Since you've published books and produced movies, do you prefer one or the other for teaching about female ejaculation?

I am interested in the healing aspects of sexuality. Too many women have suffered misuse or abuse that has caused their capacity for sexual pleasure to be severely crippled. I would like to see the G-spot massage—featured for the first time in my video Tantric Journey to Female Orgasm—become more developed and well known and used in conjunction with talk therapy. Video is a powerful medium to present new ideas. However, books can get into details that video simply cannot convey. That is why I choose to do both.