Twenty Different Ways to Say "Masturbate"

(In Different Languages!)


  1. Wichsen: German, "to shine, polish"
  2. Farsi ung sega: Italian, "to do a saw on oneself"
  3. Gonin gumi: Japanese, "the five-finger gang"
  4. Gosuto raita: Japanese, "ghost writer" (the word for "write" is a homonym for "stroke")
  5. Manzuri: Japanese, "ten thousand rubs"
  6. Yubi ningyo: Japanese, "finger doll" (doll is a euphemism for dildo, which makes perfect sense: hello, Rabbit Habit!)
  7. Walic Chabete: Polish, "to beat the old horse"
  8. Lepsaza raczka niz rzezaczka: Polish, "better the hand than gonorrhea".
  9. Ananas: Russian, "pineapple" (wordplay on "onanist")
  10. On igraet s Dun'koi Kulakovoi: Russian, "he's playing with Madame Fist".
  11. Estar casado con la viuda de los cinco hijos: Spanish, "to be married to the widow who has five children".
  12. Manearsela: Spanish, "to shake it for oneself"
  13. Puneta: Spanish, "pump shotgun".
  14. Se taper la colonne: French, "to pound one's column".
  15. Emu: Japanese, the letter M, abbreviation for masutabeshon, "masturbation".
  16. Auto-sekkusu: Japanese, "self-intercourse".
  17. Suichi o ireru: Japanese, "flick the switch".
  18. Jibun de yaru: Japanese, "doing it on one's own".
  19. Herunterholen: German, "to take oneself down".
  20. Rabac konia na postoju: Polish, "to axe the horse at the stopping place".
Excerpted from The Big Book of Masturbation.