How to Boost Sexual Desire

Author: by Alicia Guinn



For many people, sexual desire is one of the most rewarding and pleasurable parts of their adult lives. Not much else measures up to the lusty feelings of attraction that accompany sex–whether it’s with a long-time committed partner, a fling, or someone in-between. Because feeling hot and heavy for that special someone is so important, it can be especially disturbing when lack of libido sneaks its way into your sex life.


Desire and arousal are incredibly complicated phenomena, so it’s no surprise that most people experience lack of libido at different times in their lives. An overwhelming number of factors can contribute to loss of sexual desire, such as:

  • illness
  • side effects of medications
  • stress and overwork
  • dissatisfaction with relationship or sexual partner
  • cultural issues like body image and beliefs surrounding sexuality
  • previous experiences of sexual trauma and/or abuse
  • major life changes like pregnancy, childbirth, growing older, and menopause

Our culture takes this bewildering array of issues and proposes quick fix solutions: drugs like Viagra, unregulated herbal supplements and creams, and sex toys "guaranteed" to cure your arousal issues.

While those tools might be helpful as you explore your lack of sexual desire, it’s also worth examining your lifestyle and your sex life to find clues as to why your libido went missing in the first place. Your brain is the biggest, and arguably the most important, sexual organ in your body. You can start down the path of sexual healing by following our favorite tips for inviting desire back into your life.

Sex Positivity

For most of us, there is no force in our lives to tell us that sex is a good, happy, healthy part of being human, a type of thinking we like to call sex positivity. Most of us grew up learning some sense of guilt and shame about sexual desire, and those lingering beliefs can wreak havoc on our sex life as adults. You can start to dismantle your own negative beliefs about sex and recognize that sexual pleasure is everyone’s birthright by reading sex positive books.

Medications

If you are currently taking anti-depressants, oral contraceptives, tranquilizers, or other medications that can affect your libido, you should talk to your doctor about the possibility of adjusting the dosage of your current medication. In many cases, there may also be alternative medications that will not negatively affect your libido. Although it can be hard to talk to your doctor, remember that lack of libido has a serious effect on your quality of life. Be honest with your doctor about the side effects you are experiencing.

Lifestyle

Stress is often a main factor in loss of sexual desire. If you are generally tired and stressed, overworked, or unhappy in your relationship, start to think about changes you could make in your life to reduce the stress you face on a daily basis.  Balance your priorities so that enjoying life and taking care of yourself become important goals. Especially pay attention to your basic needs–eating right, sleeping, getting some exercise, and allowing time for the things that make life enjoyable for you.

Sensuality

Babeland Bath Fizzy

Get in touch with your body. Don’t allow sex to be the only time that your body experiences pleasure. Obey your hedonistic impulses by indulging in simple pleasures that make your body feel goodwhether it’s cooking yourself your favorite meal, hugging your best friend, taking a hot bath, going to a yoga class, getting a massage, working in the garden, or going swimming. Spoil yourself.  Find the things that make your body feel good and do them on a regular basis.  Experiment with massage. Instead of using it as foreplay, let it be the main course and just luxuriate in the feelings and aromas. Try different oils, or warm up with a sensual bath. If you're feeling frisky, add some edible treats to your play.

Masturbation

Sex Toys 101Masturbation is the perfect way to cultivate your sexual relationship with yourself.  It’s a time to luxuriate in yourself and your fantasies, to completely satisfy your desires and not worry about pleasing a partner. Don’t pressure yourself with expectations. Take your time. Talk dirty to yourself. If you’ve never explored sex toys before, now is the time. Check out our book Sex Toys 101 to learn about the exciting array of sex toys available. Or pick out a simple vibrator like Blueberry Buzz or a masturbation sleeve like the Blossom or Maverick to explore new sensations.

Fantasy

Most of us get stuck in sexual ruts, including the fantasies we enjoy. Explore both reading erotica and viewing porn in search of new hot spots. You may discover sexual activites or new turn ons that you never even imagined.

Sexual Healing

If you are a survivor of sexual abuse or trauma, read Staci Haines’ amazing book The Survivors’ Guide to Sex. Also consider counseling or a support group to help you work toward the happy, healthy sex life you deserve.

Keep an Open Mind

If you’ve always enjoyed the same few sexual activities, read a few books to learn what’s out there in the world of sexual possibilities. Educate yourself. Is it possible that you’ve suppressed part of your sexuality and limited your sex life in the process? It can be scary to face the fact that you might have sexual desires that make you uncomfortable. However, if you suspect that you’re kinky or queer or somehow sexually different than other folks around you, take comfort in the fact that support is available through books, over the internet, and in real life through support groups and community centers. As long as your behavior is safe, sane and consensual, you can ethically explore your sexual desires. As you discover and make peace with your fantasies, your sex life will blossom.