How to Have an Orgasm

by Claire Cavanah

Science tells us that orgasms are the involuntary muscle spasms that come with the release of sexual tension. This stark definition does not even hint at the variety of orgasmic experiences available to the willing pleasure seeker. With a little persistence and a lot of openness, each of us can tap into our own orgasmic potential.

Orgasms range in intensity from a sweet ripple of pleasure around the genitals to a roaring, curling wave of energy through the entire body. Every orgasm is a duet of tension and relaxation: a combination of striving and letting go, of making it happen and letting it happen.

Many women have trouble achieving orgasm, or are unsure whether they have orgasms. If you have never had an orgasm, or want to experience stronger orgasms, here are a few suggestions to get you started.

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   Get to know your genitals! Looking at and developing an appreciation of one's own pussy can help liberate us from sexual shame. To identify an orgasm, get to know those muscles! Flex your PC muscles by pretending to stop the flow of urine. You are tightening and releasing the same muscles that involuntarily contract and release when you come.
2. Prioritize your own self-pleasure. Set aside time to masturbate on a regular basis. No one can do this for you! Masturbating teaches us how we like to be touched and what gets our juices flowing, whether it leads to orgasm or not. Practicing getting aroused is the surest way to learn techniques that can help break new sexual ground, both alone and with a partner. Masturbating builds sexual confidence. If you need some encouragement, try a book like Sex for One, or if you need inspiration, try reading some erotica.
3. Relax. Overall relaxation helps in the beginning—you are looking to build up sexual tension, so set aside the tensions of daily life. Banish thoughts about the dishes in the sink or job stress with our Contour Massage Stones. Take a warm bath and try one of our relaxing bath products or do whatever you need to do to feel completely at ease. This will help you be present in your body and attentive to its responses.
4. Try masturbating at different times of the day. If you try coming only at night, after a long, stressful day and two stiff drinks, you are less likely to get to know the nuances of your desires. You can throw a small toy like the Babeland Silver Bullet in your briefcase and slip away from work for a mid-day romp.
   
5. Get turned on! Explore your erotic mind by reading sexy fiction, watching explicit movies or writing a fantasy of your own. If you're new to adult films, try one by a female director. Ask yourself, "What makes me wet?" Revel and indulge in the answer.
6. Experiment. Try rubbing your clit using different motions: stop and start, left and right, around the clock. Pay attention to what feels good and do more of that.
7. Breathe. Take deep breaths so you can move the sexual energy throughout your body. You can also help further your arousal by breathing deeply, rather than holding your breath as you get closer to coming.
8. Add a vibrator. Sometimes a vibrator can carry on where a tired hand or tongue cannot. The steady buzz of a good vibrator on or around the clitoris can solve one common problem—insufficient clitoral stimulation. The Hitachi Magic Wand, Elastomer Rabbit Habit, and SaSi are our top recommendations.
9. Make noise. Don't be afraid to move, rock, grunt, scream, and cry during sex. You are seeking total release, so get used to reactions you might have when you lose control. Be silly! Be loud! Let yourself go.
10. Tease yourself. When you hit a plateau of sexual tension, back away from it, breathe deeply, then start again. The sexual energy can build in cycles, each more intense than the last. Take your time and remember to keep breathing. Consistent, deep breathing helps with relaxation—holding your breath can forestall coming.

Orgasms: You Deserve Many

Sex negativity in our culture, especially toward women, can inhibit our growth as sexual beings and our understanding of our own sexual response. Fortunately, we have the freedom to question what we have been taught about sex, and to heal the wounds we uncover as we explore our desires. There are lots of places to go for encouragement on the road to sexual fulfillment. Betty Dodson's original masturbation manifesto Sex For One continues to school women in sexual self-awareness and satisfaction, as does her documentary video, Celebrating Orgasm. Our own guide Sex Toys 101 can help you lead you to orgasmic bliss with the help of a sex toy. To help answer practically every sex question you might have, read Good Vibrations Guide to Sex.  To help heal the wounds of sexual abuse, we strongly recommend Staci Haines' Healing Sex.  When we choose to open up to our own sexuality throughout our lives, there is no limit to the growth we can experience and the pleasure we can find.

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