How to Spank

You see it in movies, hear about it in popular music and catch conversations about it on the bus, subway and Internet. Erotic spanking is probably the most socially acceptable form of sensation play or BDSM (bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, sadism/masochism), and refers to the practice of sensually smacking, hitting or slapping a person’s body (usually in the ass or thigh areas). Spanking can spice up your sex play in  many ways: you can use your hands on the side while giving a handjob or blowjob, or the spanking itself can be the sole focus of a hot encounter.

  1. Set the Mood. Reading erotica, listening to sexy music and watching hot videos that incorporate spanking can be a great way to turn you on and inspire you. 

  2. Communicate. Despite popular belief, the person being spanked is often the one in control. While giving a spanking, it’s very important that you (the person on top) can take feedback without getting your feelings hurt, and that the bottom (the person getting spanked) feels comfortable giving feedback. Especially if you’ve never been spanked, it’s hard to know how hard is too hard or not hard enough for the other person without asking. Specific questions can serve the dual purpose of being sexy and helpful. Try asking questions like “Does this feel good?” “Harder?” “Faster?” “Softer?” or “Slower?”

  3. Spank with Care. Part of having a fun, sexy time is caring for your partner’s safety, and the security that comes with that knowledge. There are certain places that are fine to hit–any part of the body with lots of padding, such as the ass, thighs and backs of the calves. And then there are places you should not spank:  your spine and kidneys are two of your most vital and fragile body parts, so steer clear of these areas. As long as you don’t hit bony spots, joints or organs, you should be fine.

  4. Experiment with Positions. There are a variety of positions to explore when spanking someone. The most popular position is over the knee, or OTK, with the spanker seated and the spankee lying over his or her lap. You can also place the bottom on her or his hands and knees, ass in the air.  Or try bending her or him over a bed, chair or counter with you maneuvering from behind!

  5. Use the Tools at Your Fingertips. Remember, the hand is more versatile than we generally think. You have a whole lot of tools at your disposal, including fingernails, palms, fingers and the backside of the hand. You can also use your tongue, lips, breasts and breath against your partner’s body to mix things up.

  6. Build Up the Sensations. Before the first smack, tease your lover with some tactile treats. Try running a feather over your partner’s skin, tracing his or her entire backside, beginning and ending with the ass. Light scratching can feel great; try mixing up the pattern so you scratch in straight lines, then in circles, and finally in figure eights, slowly intensifying the scratches.

  7. Try Your Hand at Spanking. Try smacking gently a couple of times, switching ass cheeks, scratching in circles on each side, and then spanking a little harder. You can work on a slow, steady rhythm of spanking, starting off gently and gradually working up to harder or faster, then back to a slower spanking pace. Remember that being spanked can be an intense experience; buildup is essential, and going fast and hard right away can quickly burn out your bottom. Likewise, it is important to switch between intense and gentle spanking techniques. After an especially hard slap, expect your sweetie to need a little respite. Try licking the places you just spanked, blowing on them, lightly rubbing them, and kissing them before slowly working them back up again.

  8. Consider Role Play. She’s the principal and he’s the bad student. You’re the leather daddy teasing your submissive bottom. Role playing can be fun, exciting, and liberating. Sometimes it’s less scary to try a new thing if you step outside of your everyday roles.

  9. Add Dirty Talk. Whisper sweet nothings into your lover’s ear, telling them that you love them or about how you want them to be good so they can have a treat afterwards...or tell them about how rosy-red their ass is, and how much that turns you on.

  10. Switch It Up. Pleasure and pain are like sweet and salty:  perfect partners in crime! Try using your free hand to masturbate your partner while you spank them. You can use one of a variety of smaller, discreet vibrators that won’t get in the way but can offer pleasure to anyone.

  11. Finish Off. To end a spanking session, tell your bottom that they have to count to 10, 25, or 50. Give them a smack with each number, and if they miss a number, they have to start over again. It makes them anticipate the end, while putting the ball in their court and adding an extra power play aspect to the situation. A good rubdown can be a great way to soothe the skin after a spanking. Use a lotion or massage oil if this skin isn't broken or a soothing powder like Spank Me Baby. If the skin is a little more sensitive or broken, try using aloe vera, which will cool them down. A lot of people like to cuddle after being spanked, and this can be a great bonding moment. Find time later to talk about how the experience was for both of you, and make dates for more spanking play if you like!