Bigger Penis! Tighter Vagina!

The Real Story About Numbing Creams and Erection Prolongers

by Erin Doherty

Pills and elixirs, creams and concoctions—it’s tempting to think that there’s a quick fix to our problems, especially when it comes to sex. But most of these sexual “problems” actually have much more to do with communication, attitudes about sex, and sexual self-image than they do with physiological response. A common theme among these products is reducing sensation and numbing nerves—but in our experience, this does more harm than good (if you can't feel it, how do you know when it hurts?).

There’s also no scientific evidence that these potions work—they’re not approved by the FDA and are sold only as herbal supplements. The manufacturers of these items play on people’s insecurities about body image and sexual peformance, hyping the cure-all aspect of their products in the quest for a quick buck. So we’ll give you the truth: there’s no magic trick when it comes to a fulfilling sex life. In this article, we'll take a look at some of the more common sexual desires that fuel sales of these snake-oil products, blast apart some of the most persistent claims, then follow up with some fun and sexy tools to help you enjoy better sex.

So you want to…make your penis bigger

What won’t work:  Pills, creams, etc.  Short of surgery, there’s nothing one can do to permanently enlarge the penis. Pills (herbal or otherwise) advertised for enlargement usually don’t actually do anything at all — at most, they can increase blood flow to the penis (acting similarly to Viagra), but that won’t result in permanent growth. Creams don’t work either. Because of the way the penis is constructed, what you rub on it will be carried away by blood vessels before it has a chance to sink into the tunica albuginea (the spongy tissue inside the penis).

What you can do:

• First, check out www.erectionphotos.com, a website dedicated to dispelling myths about penis size. If you smoke, quit. Smoking limits the flow of blood to the penis and the less blood that gets in there, the less chance of your penis getting any bigger.
• Think about shaving or trimming if you don’t already — less hair means you can see more of the penis, and that makes it look bigger. 
• If you’re still interested in exploring temporary enlargement, you can try a penis pump. These work by sucking in a lot of blood flow to the penis. Aside from temporary enlargement, they can feel really good, too. Keep in mind that if you have vascular or heart problems, you should check with your doctor first. Some folks who pump regularly over a long period of time do report permanent growth, but they almost always experience a loss in erection hardness as well. So you might look impressive, but your boner won’t be so…bony.

So you want to…maintain your erection to last longer in bed

What won’t work: Again, pills and creams aren’t much help. There are numerous desensitizing creams out there (such as Sta-Hard, which contains benzocaine) that promise to help you stay hard, but what’s the fun of being hard if you can’t feel anything? In addition, the creams can irritate some men and many women, and can rub off on your partner, making him/her feel numb as well. Well-known drugs like Levitra and Viagra are designed for folks who have physiological difficulties getting and maintaining erections; they can have dangerous side effects if not used correctly (including head and stomachaches, vision problems and cardiovascular-related deaths). For more info about these risks, check out this excellent article.

What you can do: Read the book The Multi-Orgasmic Man, which details several techniques to help you get more control over that wily penis, including certain pressure points that can help delay ejaculation. Some guys find that cock rings (like the Velcro or 5 Snap) help maintain their erections (and look trés sexy!). These work by constricting the flow of blood leaving the penis. Open your mind and explore other sexual options—there’s so much more to sex than just “insert penis here.” Or check in with a therapist or counselor to explore any mental or emotional blocks that can affect erection.

So you want to…have anal sex without pain

What won’t work:  Many folks have heard of Anal-Eaze or other desensitizing creams. The thought of using these on your sensitive little butt makes us cringe. They’re pretty much made of the same things as the penis creams—the whole point of them is to numb the area on which they're applied. Now our question is, why have sex if you can’t feel it? Anal sex can and should be pleasurable and fun! Used anally, these creams can actually be harmful to your body. Pain is a signal from your body that something isn’t right. If you can’t get that signal from your body, you could be doing permanent damage to your body and not even know it until later.

What you can do: First, check in with yourself: is this something you’d like to explore for yourself? If so, grab a bottle of lube (preferably nonsticky, thick lube like Maximus or Slippery Stuff), relax and have fun. The anus has so many pleasurable nerves—go slow and let your body set the pace. It can take weeks or months for some folks to be able to relax and enjoy anal penetration, so you may want to start with just enjoying external stimulation. If you’re concerned about hygiene, you can take a shower and clean your butt with a gentle soapy finger (for a more thorough cleansing, check out the Anal Douche) or use a latex or nitrile glove. Try some great first-time butt toys like the Little Flirt or the Pendant. Anything with a curve can hit the P-spot (prostate); the Pro-Touch Vibe is very popular with the guys.

So you want to…boost your libido (women)

What won’t work: The results are mixed when it comes to Viacreme and its many cohorts. The manufacturers claim that one of the active ingredients, L-Arginine (an amino acid), has a cumulative effect, so that the more you use it, the more your libido increases over time. The other active ingredient is menthol, which is where the “cool tingling” feeling comes from. We had several staffers test it and the responses varied from “it didn’t do anything for me that rubbing my clit for five minutes wouldn’t normally do anyway” to “I had to run to the bathroom to wash it off because the menthol was too intense,” so use with caution, if at all.

What you can do: Many factors can affect libido, such as stress, diet, changes in the normal routine, mental or physical illness and medication (ask your doctor if your meds are affecting your libido—new medications come out all the time that may be less of a killjoy for your sex life). If you’ve been arguing with your partner for the past month, or if you were recently promoted to a new job with new challenges, it makes sense that you’re not feeling so hot and heavy. So check in with yourself or a trusted physician or counselor.

Communication is another key factor. Many women can have difficulty achieving orgasm, but we’re betting it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with them physiologically. Getting to know your own body, mind and desires and being able to communicate them with your partner will go a long way towards a mutually satisfying erotic relationship. If you feel stuck in a rut, try jumpstarting your libido by making it a priority to try new things like reading erotica, exploring role-playing fantasies or just plain setting aside time to relax and enjoy your partner and yourself. 

So you want to…have a “tighter” vagina

What won’t work:  Vaginal tightening creams. There isn’t a shred of evidence that these work, and they can be irritating to your sensitive mucous membranes. They often contain ingredients like potassium alum (a substance found in natural deodorants) or, making its appearance yet again, benzocaine (a numbing agent used as an anesthetic). 

What you can do: Do your Kegels! Kegels are vaginal strengthening exercises that can help you regain lost muscle tone; you do these by isolating the pubococcygeus (PC) muscles and alternately squeezing and relaxing them. If you’re having a hard time finding those muscles, they’re the same ones you use to stop the flow of urine; try it next time you go to the bathroom. These exercises can be done while you’re waiting in line at the bank or stuck in traffic. But they’re much more effective when you use an exerciser like a vaginal barbell, which is weighted to offer your muscles more resistance (much like the barbells in a gym). Check out the Smart Balls, Betty’s Barbell or the classic Kegelcisor.  They really do help tone your muscles, allowing you more control as well as improving orgasmic response.

Also Recommended 

• How to do Kegel Exercises
• How to Enjoy Butt Sex
• Using Penis Pumps