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Female Ejaculation For CouplesG Marks the Spot

An Interview with Female Ejaculation Expert Debbie Sundahl

With the release of the classic video How to Female Ejaculatein 1992, Deborah Sundahl became one of the foremost experts on theG-spot and female ejaculation. The video, featuring several women whodemostrate their ejaculation techniques, was the first educationalresource to address female ejaculation. With a background in producingauthentic portrayals of feminist desire in On Our Backs,  Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot and with FataleVideo, Sundahl now writes books like , produces educational videos like Female Ejaculation for Couples and "Tantric Journey to Female Orgasm," and gives workshops in G-spotting and female ejaculation.

What do you tell people who say they "don't believe" in the existence of the G-spot and female ejaculation?

The G-spot is the female prostate. Two years ago, the medicalestablishment finally acknowledged the existence of the female prostateby giving it a sanctioned anatomical term: "female prostate." TheG-spot creates prostatic fluid, which is what female ejaculate is. Allwomen have a prostate, just as all men do. Therefore, all women canejaculate.

The urge to ejaculate feels like the urge to pee. Most womenhave felt this urge at least once in their lives and shut it down?stopped ejaculating?because peeing during sex is unthinkable.

Another reason women don't ejaculate is that Western medicine hasheld the view that the female prostate is "vestigial"?shriveled up,nonfunctional, and analogous to the male organ. So we haven't known iteven exists. "Not believing" there is a G-spot is like "not believing"you have a heart. Maybe you don't, on an emotional level, but on aphysicallevel it?s ridiculous to say that. The female prostate has been found,dissected, studied down to its cellular level, and most recently givena legitimate medical name. It's there. The task at hand now is to getit working again, unclogging the fountain so we can begin spoutingfreely!

What advice would you give to Margaret Cho, who has famously joked that she can't find her own G-spot?

In ten years we will laugh at ourselves for not being able to find ourG-spots because that will be like saying we don't know where the tip ofour nose is. We have been acting as though this vague magic button islost somewhere in the vast ocean of the vagina.

However, in most women the G-spot is right there at the opening tothe vagina. This is because in 70% of women, the female prostate beginsat the urethral opening (what I call the 'head' of the G-spot) andextends along the urethral canal about two inches (the 'tail'). Sincethe urethral canal parallels the vaginal canal, this means that theG-spot's 'head' can be felt at the vaginal opening.

In my new DVD, Female Ejaculation for Couples,you can literally see the G-spot. You can see its ridges! The threewomen in my video simplyuse their vaginal muscles to push the G-spot out of the vagina. If youspread the labia lips, you can see the vaginal opening and the G-spot'sridges. You can also see the G-spot's ridges (what I call the body)when each of them ejaculates. We haven't seen the G-spot because wehaven't differentiated the G-spot from the vagina. In other words,there are parts to the vagina, and the G-spot is one of them. We don'tknow this, so we don't even see it. That's why I made FemaleEjaculation for Couples?to put to rest the question "Where is it?"

How did you discover your own G-spot?

I 'found' it the day I ejaculated. I wasn't trying. It justhappened. So, I read the famous book, The G-Spot (1984). Ilearned all about the G-spot?s distinctive orgasms and muscles, itserectile tissue, and how it swells when stimulated?and that some womenejaculate from this stimulation.

What's your favorite G-Spot toy?

My favorite toy, which I used to re-create that first initialsurprise experience of ejaculation, was a Plexiglas dildo that lookedlike a penis with an exaggerated lip. I discovered that the lipstimulated what I now call the "tail" of my G-spot. That area was mostsensitive to me, and allowed me to truly feel my G-spot. Yum!

I needed the hardness?softer dildos didn't create any G-spotsensation. I also needed the hardness to create ejaculate fluid; ie, tostimulate my G-spot enough so it would swell with ejaculate. Thesedays, now that my G-spot has grown in sensitivity, I can arouse it withmy finger because not only my G-spot's tail but its head is awakened. Ican even feel it in my body without touch when I get aroused. Thelocus of my erotic sensation has changed from some vague 'down there'feeling to this deep urge located in my G-spot.

Female Ejaculation and the G-spot

What tips do you give to a woman trying to find her G-spot and/or learning to ejaculate?

In my book, Female Ejaculation and the G-spot, I give step by stepinstructions on how to 1) Find Your G-spot; 2) Awaken Your G-spot, and3) How to Ejaculate.

  1. Sit down with a mirror and towel and determine if you areof the majority of women whose G-spot begins at the urethral opening.You spread your labia lips, push out with your vaginal (PC) muscles andlook at it.
  2. Relax and breathe, touching your spot withvarious techniques I describe in the book, to get to know what it feelslike to touch it. It's essential to relax and begin to feel itssensations. Concentrate more on what it feels like than on anytechnique. Get to know your G-spot. Feel it swell witharousal and stimulation.
  3. At that point, you can ejaculate without an orgasm by simply pushing out. Let go of the fear of urinating and just pushout. If you are truly aroused and your G-spot stimulated (notyour clitoris, your G-spot), you will push out ejaculate fluid, not urine.

Considering that most of us were raised not look at, touch, or think much about our pussies, a lot of us stillsuffer from pussy-issues as adults. How do you start to love yourbody and your pussy, so that you can start exploring greater sexual options?and a more satisfying sex life?

Self affirmations are very effective. "I love my pussy. I have abeautiful pussy. My pussy loves to be touched. It loves to be open andsensitive. My pussy is worthy to be loved." Repeat every day, twice aday for two months. You'll be amazed the change these simple words cancreate.

The biggest obstacle to self-love is the "I am worthy" problem. Idon't think we can even fathom as women how disrespected we are onevery level in this culture. Until a woman is consistently approachedin a loving and respectful manner toward her body by her partners, thehealth care system, advertising and television, until we stop feelingwe need to please and learn how to fully receive, then feeling worthywill always be a battle.

If pussy is not respected, we are not respected. Pussy shutsdown. She will not feel. We will not want to look at her ortouch her because she expresses pain when we do. We will not wantto hear what she has to say because she is either pissed off orsad. We will stay removed from our bodies, and she will stayrigid and perform out of obligation and force rather than joy and love.

What do you say to folks who pursue G-spotting because they'relonging for the "right" orgasm?one from penetration alone without anyclitoral stimulation?

I think sex educators bend over backwards to say repeatedly there is no'right' way or 'best' way.We say that sexuality is a process, areflection of who we are and where we are on that journey. Obviouslythese women are on a journey to have a vaginal orgasm. That's theirchoice, so kudos to their brave explorations and success!

As a female, sex-positive culture, we are on a journey moving fromthe clitoris to vaginal sensitivity. This is big news and a definingmoment in female sexuality. I say 'vaginal sensitivity' because thevagina is where the G-spot is felt and experienced. To awaken ourvaginal sensitivity we need to back off on our clitoral stimulation abit to explore the sensations of our G-spot. Because the G-spot has adifferent nerve than the clitoris, and because its sensation is one ofdeep love, it requires a different approach - slow stimulation,awareness of physical sensation over intellectual fantasies, andconnection to our partner.

I say toss the vibrator in a box for awhile, and learn the joys ofheightened physical sensation created through relaxation and breath. Itis through that path that you will awaken your vaginal orgasm andexperience more pleasure there than most of us can fathom.

Do you have any upcoming projects we should look out for? Since you've published books and produced movies, do you prefer one or the other for teaching about female ejaculation?

I am interested in the healing aspects of sexuality. Too manywomen have suffered misuse or abuse that has caused their capacity forsexual pleasure to be severely crippled. I would like to see the G-spotmassage?featured for the first time in my video Tantric Journey toFemale Orgasm?become more developed and well known and used inconjunction with talk therapy. Video is a powerful medium to presentnew ideas. However, books can get into details that video simply cannotconvey. That is why I choose to do both.