Blow Them Away: Blowjob 101
First, let's debunk some myths about giving head:
❌ Myth: A great blow job is about pushing yourself through something you dislike.
✔️ Truth: All sexual acts should be something that is enjoyed by all parties involved. If there's something in particular you don't like about giving head- don't do it. Talk it out with your partner to find an alternative or a compromise. For instance, if you don't like the idea of having someone come in your mouth, pop on a flavored condom!
❌ Myth: The best kind of blow job is deep throating.
✔️ Truth: Yes, a lot of folks love deep throating ...but in reality, the most sensitive nerve endings are at the tip, and there are plenty of other ways to get the whole shaft involved without making the giver gag. (Unless that's what you're both into!)
❌ Myth: Blowjobs are about unlocking some kind of magic technique that someone has been keeping from you.
✔️ Truth: While we often see tips and tricks of "one move to drive them wild" going viral, it's simply not true- not everyone enjoys the same sensations. Some like it hard and fast, some like it slow and intimate, literally different strokes for different folks-- but nobody's a mind reader, so always ask!
If you?re trying to get somewhere, it's always great to have a map. That's why knowing about anatomy can really be a game changer with any kind of play!
Glans (head) - This is the tip of the penis. The most sensitive part of the penis, the glans has the most nerves- and it's analogous to the head of the clit (meaning they share a lot in common)!
Foreskin - A layer of skin over the corona and the glans (either partially or completely), that may be removed by circumcision. An uncircumcised penis will have a more sensitive glans because the foreskin keeps it covered and moist with mucus. And this is a great thing! It means your touch will feel amazing. Cut or uncut, lavish the glans with lots of attention.
Corona - The ridge around the base of the glans. Think of it as the crown of the penis, and another nerve-rich spot that's great for adding some extra stimulation during your BJ.
Frenulum - The frenulum is a little piece of skin, almost like a bit of webbing, where the shaft meets the glans on the underside. On some people, that flap of skin was partially or completely removed during circumcision- but the bundle of nerves beneath remains. The frenulum is one of, if not the most sensitive spot on the penis - which means targeted stimulation here can be great, but can also be really intense. Talk to your partner and see what they like!
Prostate - The prostate is very similar to the G-spot - they are made up of the same kind of spongy tissue and respond to rhythmic stimulation. You can't touch the prostate directly because it is internal, but you can stimulate it indirectly by going up the butt a few inches and pressing forward with curved fingers or a toy- towards the belly button, just like the G-spot! Popping in a vibrating plug or a few well-lubed fingers during your oral play for a blended orgasm can really send someone over the edge in all the right ways.
Oral sex obviously gets its name from the idea of using your mouth, but don't think that means that's all you can use for great head! Hands are a great way of giving your mouth a rest, or to add a whole new sensation to give a variety of touch and texture for versatility. Your hands can do so much!
First, lube up: lube can be the unsung hero of any type of play, but especially for these tips. Without it, you can pull the skin in uncomfortable ways- and with it, your hands can slip and slide seamlessly. Sure, saliva is great and spitting can be really hot, but it won't last nearly as long or provide that super-pleasurable glide that lube can. Add in some extra sensation for the giver with some flavored lube, or go for something taste-free and longer lasting like a silicone lube.
Once you're lubed up, play with different types of pressure. Talk to your partner and see what kind of pressure they like. Harder at the shaft, softer at the tip? Deep like a massage? Gently teasing the head? Play with how many fingers you grip them with, as well as using other textures your hands can provide -- feathery touches with fingertips, broad strokes with palms, even grazes with nails if they're into it!
Use your hands to play with the base of the shaft while you use your mouth to focus on the tip -- you can even move them up and down as you bob your head to get the sensation of enveloping the entire shaft, which can be a great alternative to deep-throating if that's not your jam.
Like your hands, your tongue can make many fun shapes and sensations as well! A broad flat tongue will hit more surface area, adding in a soft, pillowy sensation - try licking up and down the shaft like it's an ice cream cone that's melting. A pointed tongue can pinpoint areas on the cock with a more direct sensation- try sticking your tongue out sharp like you're making a bratty face and trace that sensitive corona where the head meets the shaft.
Use your breath as well -- tease them by blowing some cool air onto the tip of the cock, or use the tried-and-true method of sucking at them. Keep sucking as you pull them out of your mouth for a little "pop" sound and sensation as the corona and tip pass your lips.
If you are both into deep throating, but you don't want to gag or choke, here's some of our top tips:
First and foremost, relax the throat, try like you're at the doctor saying "ahhh" to find that openness. Watch the tension that you may naturally carry in your jaw, neck, and shoulders, as these muscles can make your throat tensed as well!
Extending your neck can make it easier to handle a longer shaft. When we sit up, our throat creates an "L" shape, angling under the chin from the mouth to the throat. If you lay back or are on all fours and stretch forward, you can straighten out that "L" into an "I" shape, which will open our throats further and help the tip of the penis to not collide with the back of our throat. Leaning your head over the side of the bed or leaning over the tall end of a ramp or wedge pillow can make this position a lot easier to do (and a lot more comfy for your neck).
One thing we will not recommend is the use of numbing creams. Your gag reflex acts as a warning signal from your body that something is wrong, and we need to allow ourselves to feel that and recognize it so that we don't choke, damage our throat, or -- sorry to say it -- vomit on our partner. Not to mention, if your throat is coated in numbing spray, and then a shaft goes inside it and touches the numbing spray, you'll both be numb to stimulation including any of those fantastic sensations that make oral sex great!
Deep throating can take some practice, and lots of communication and checking in -- so don't stress if you can't do as much as you'd like the first time. Practice makes perfect, after all!
Sex toys are a wonderful tool to level up so many types of play, including giving / getting head.
Vibration can feel great on everyone, not just people with clits. Try using a handheld vibrator and run the vibe up the ridge on the underside of the shaft - called the raphe - and around the corona. Tease the balls with the toy, or even add some pressure to the perineum (that's the space between the balls and booty) to stimulate the internal root of the penis.
You can also use a cock ring to help keep the blood flow that maintains an erection in the shaft, which can help increase the sensation of touch and play. Vibrating cock rings can add in that stimulation hands-free so you can use a toy, hands, and your mouth all at once -- a true BJ trifecta!
Using a stroker or sleeve is another fun way to incorporate a new type of texture and sensation to your oral play. An open-ended stroker can be used at the base of the shaft while the mouth focuses on the head. There are even vibrating strokers to add even more stimulation!
Don't be afraid to explore new techniques, try mixing things up, and allow yourself to explore all of the wonderful ways we can experience oral. Now, get out there and blow their mind!
