It’s Going Down: Cunnilingus 101
The first tip – and the most important one when it comes to any kind of play – is to communicate! Nobody is a mind-reader, so ask what your partner likes. Even if you’ve performed this kind of oral on someone in the past and they were absolutely blown away by your technique, it doesn’t mean that everyone you play with will have the same reactions – our bodies are unique, and so are the ways we experience pleasure and sensation.
If they don’t know what they like or how to describe it, go slow and ask along the way. It doesn’t have to sound awkward either- you can use dirty talk like: “Does that feel good?” “Do you like that?” “I want to hear you. Tell me when it feels good.” Using your mouth to talk won’t detract from your oral – in fact, the breathy sensation of your voice against those sensitive bits can be really erotic, and can give you as the giver a moment to adjust your neck and jaw before diving back in.
Take your time.
You don’t have to immediately zero in on the clit – in fact, taking your time can really enhance the experience. The clit has erectile tissue, so spending some time to allow the body to get aroused and get all of that blood flow to the area will help to prepare the way and get those sensitive bits tuned in to the sensations your mouth can make.
Start on the outside and work your way in. Kiss your way down their belly as you make your way south. Lick and nibble at the inner thighs. Nuzzle the tip of your nose against their pubic mound. Run your tongue softly and slowly along the length of the vulva. You can even get them really riled up and tease around their most sensitive bits until they give you that enthusiastic affirmation to please dive on in!
Get mouthy.
Your mouth is a super versatile body part when it comes to creating sensation. Your lips can leave pillowy soft kisses, you can breathe a warm sigh or blow a cool exhale along their body, you can use your mouth to add suction on the clit or labia, you can even use your teeth if they’re into it (start gently when you’re first exploring this).
Then there’s the tongue – while there are so many shapes your tongue can make, we like to suggest two easy shapes that offer totally distinct sensations.
A broad flat tongue, like one you’d use while licking a melting ice cream cone, will give a soft and pillowy sensation. You can cover more surface area with this tongue shape, and it’s perfect for when you’re first getting started to engage all of those nerve endings we mentioned for your warm-up, or for swirling around the clit (like the ice cream cone!)
A sharp pointy tongue, like the shape you may make if you’re a being a brat and sticking your tongue out, will offer more pinpoint sensation. The muscles of the tongue are held more taut with this shape, and so it will feel firmer, and can be a great option for flicking against or around the clitoris or for dipping your tongue into the vagina for some shallow penetration.
You don’t need to limit your cunnilingus to just your mouth – get your whole face involved! Your nose can apply pressure, so can your chin – which will add sensation throughout the whole vulva.
Try these tasty techniques.
Learn your ABCs – You’ve probably heard the tip of using your tongue to write the alphabet on their clit, which can be a great way to vary technique and see how your partner reacts to new shapes. With that, don’t feel like you have to go straight from A to Z – pay attention to your partner’s response with each letter. If the letter “M” has them quivering and moaning, stay on the letter for a while, exploring different pace and how big you’re licking that letter, or changing from a broad to pointy tongue with each arch of the letter.
Get musical – Sound is vibration, so if you moan or hum while your lips are on their clit, they'll be able to feel that sensation. Put on a sexy playlist and lick to the tempo, letting your tongue dance along their body to the music.
Give them a hand – Use your hands to add pressure against the pubic mound, hold their hips, reach up and play with their nipples, or to add in some penetration to pair with the external stimulation from your mouth. Use your fingers in a “come-hither” motion, curling towards the front of the body in pace with your tongue for a blended sensation that stimulates the clitoris and G-spot all at once.
Bring out the toys – Adding in the sensations that toys can provide can really level things up. Here’s some of our faves for cunnilingus:
- Surround-sound vibration with the Je Joue Rabbit Bullet – use the fluttering ears of this toy to hug the sides of the clit while you use that pointed tongue to flick across the tip, surrounding the entire head of the clitoris with sensation.
- Elevate your play, literally, with a Wedge Pillow. These pillows from Liberator are designed specifically for sex, with a firm yet comfy foam core and a removable washable cover. Have your partner put their hips at the top of the wedge to open the body up for easier access for oral, raising their body and making the motions easier on your neck for longer sessions.
- Go hands-free with a wearable remote vibe like the Wristband Remote Petite Bullet Vibrator – this slim insertable has a flexible retrieval cord so you can keep it out of the way of your mouth while you go down, and you can either wear the easy-to-use wristband remote to keep control of the sensations or hand it off to your partner so they can change up the intensity as they want.
- You can incorporate this idea via booty play as well with a remote-controlled anal plug, like the adorable Vibrating Jewel Plug from b-Vibe.
- Hit the (G-)spot with a curved toy like the Pure Wand. The deep curve of this toy is great for staying out of the way of your chin as you play, and the weight of the toy makes it easy to rock the firm metal into the G-spot for a targeted sensation.
Lube it up – While a lot of folks are skeptical about using lube for oral - mainly because it’s thought that saliva and natural lubrication are going to do enough, and they certainly might – lube can still really up your head game. Good oral sex often involves a lot of movement and friction that could cause bodies to lose moisture more quickly, and lube is designed to stay slick and long-lasting where saliva may dry up after a while, especially if we’re not properly hydrated.
- Try a glycerin-free flavored lube, like Sliquid Swirl, to enhance the experience for the giver. The Lip Lickers pack comes with a variety of flavors from a tart green apple to a dessert-worthy cherry vanilla and more.
- If you’re not into the flavors, or you just want to really embrace your partner’s natural taste, opt for something that doesn’t have any added fragrance or flavoring, like Uberlube, or if you’re using toys, Babelube Silk, which both keep it simple to not overwhelm with added taste.
Finally, don’t be afraid to get a little messy with it! Lay down a towel or a just-for-sex blanket like the Liberator Throw, and get down and dirty with it. Let your face get wet, make noise, and have fun – this is a time where it can be a really good thing to be a messy eater. Bon appetit!
