play together

Talking about sex with a partner can feel intimidating, but it’s an essential part of having a healthy, fulfilling, and pleasure-filled sex life. Try starting the convo outside the bedroom, and keep the focus on positive ways to deepen your connection instead of only pointing out what’s not working (though setting boundaries is totally key too!). Make sure the talk is a true dialogue - ask open-ended questions, really listen and pay attention to body language, and invite your partner to be vulnerable by creating a safe space through your own honesty. You can read more about consent and communication in our blog here.

That really depends on what you and your partner are into! Everyone has different turn-ons - our interests vary, our bodies respond in unique ways, and even great sex can lose it's spark if what you're doing together starts to feel too predictable and routine.

Here are a few simple things to try:

• Have sex someplace new. Whether you take a pleasure-focused vacation or it's as simple as trying out sex in the shower instead of the bedroom, a simple change of environment can make all of the difference - you can embrace spontaneity and allow for a new physical space to help inspire new positions and techniques.
• Try using toys. If you made your way onto this site, there's a good chance this may have already been on your to-do list. Sex toys provide novel sensations that our bodies can't naturally provide - like texture, vibration, and unique shapes. Plus, incorporating a new tool into play gives us a push to be more creative, and encourages communication as you explore something new together.
• Take your time. When sexual excitement begins, it kicks off something called the sexual response cycle - the stages of physical and psychological changes that lead us through sexual pleasure and orgasm. Arousal is the foundation of this cycle, and so taking your time with foreplay - really leaning in to teasing, touch, and exploration - can enhance the entire experience.
• Try a Yes, No, Maybe list. Not sure where to start? Try a Yes, No, Maybe list to break the ice and get the conversation flowing. These lists are designed to be an easy way to help discover and share desires and fantasies to build intimacy and inspire exploration with your partner - and it's as simple as filling out a grocery list! Check out our FREE printable versions here.

Mismatched sex drives happen to even the happiest couples, and it’s totally normal for desire to ebb and flow. Sometimes, it comes down to different desire styles: spontaneous desire (wanting sex out of the blue, with less warm-up needed) versus responsive desire (needing context, extra foreplay, or mood-setting to get turned on). Neither is better - they're just different! If this sounds familiar, know there are lots of ways to bridge the gap, from scheduling intimacy to experimenting with toys and tools, and much more - check out our expert blog: How to Manage Mismatched Sex Drives and Enhance Couples Intimacy by Sabrina Baldini for a deeper dive.