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Puzzled

Dear Rachel and Claire,
My girlfriend and I have just got a dildo and two-strap harness, but embarassingly cannot figure out how to position ourselves to use it.  Even I know that a gentleman points to one or two o'clock, but strap-ons seem to point to three o'clock.  We really like the intimacy of lying close together when we make love, which is impossible when you have to be at 90 degrees to one another. Am I missing something?

Puzzled

A:

Dear Puzzled,

I think fucking, even more so with strap-ons, gets better with practice.  So I'm afraid you and your girlfriend are going to have to make a commitment have sex Every Single Day  (At least once) for a month.  You will get much better at it and will put the lie to that nasty old lesbian bed death rumor. And while young bucks may well point to one or two, plenty of men are happy to raise the flag to three.  So if they can do it from 3 o'clock, so can you.  Here are some tips to help you in your efforts:

  1. Cinch that harness on tight.  The tighter it is the more it will move with the wearer's body.  The dildo may point to three at the outset, but once it enters the vagina, it will follow the path of least resistance.
  2. Think psychic dick.  Although you don't have nerve endings to tell you what's going on, there is a way of imagining yourself into that dick so hard that you get a much better sense of how it is moving.
  3. Don't pull out as far.  It's a common problem for dildos (and penises too) too pop out.  If the dick is popping out when the wearer is on top, and not pulling out as far isn't working, pillows under the recipient's butt may help.  Also rolling her hips forward with your hands behind her knees may help angle the vagina into better alignment with the dildo.
  4.  "Woman on Top."  I know you're both women, but if the strap on wearer lies down on her back, the receiver can ride her in just the way that feels best.
  5.  Last resort—get a dildo with a greater upward curve.  Rodeo Rick, Johnny, and Rocko are nice heads-up models.

Good luck,
Rachel