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Tongue Tied in Lava Land

Dear Rachel and Claire,
I’m 56 and my sex life isn’t what it used to be.  Actually it’s almost exactly what it used to be at about age 12; mostly wishful thinking.  The only sexual organ that really works anymore is my tongue, and I’ve learned to use it pretty well over the past dozen or so years.

OK, now for the toy question.  In the event that none of the pills work, what is the best deep acting vibrator/dildo out there? I know that I can stimulate the clitoris orally, and can even hit the G-spot in some cases, but deep work, even with fingers, is difficult. I’ve got a very hot relationship building, and it is clear that we will soon be in the sack, and I want to make every effort for the event to be fully satisfying to my partner.  She knows about my physical challenges, and is understanding in concept.  I just want to give her plenty of reasons for continuing in this direction.

-Tongue Tied in Lava Land

A:

Dear Tongue Tied,

One thing you might try is a strap-on dildo. Unlike flesh and blood penises, you get to pick just what size and shape you want, and most importantly, it’s always ready. Even without nerve endings your imagination and feeling of “psychic hard-on” will probably give you a lot more sensation than you expect. The Terra Firma Harness is a good choice; pair that with a Leo and you’re on your way.

You could use any of those dildos as a hand-held, but if you want something fancier try the Rabbit Habit, a vibrator which combines clitoral stimulation with swirling penetration.

So that’s the gear. As to the concept of “deep work,” you may not need to go as deep as you think. Many women don’t relish a cervix banging. Clitoral stimulation is the main route to climax, and your fingers can reach to her G-spot for penetration fun. Another alternative to going deeper, is going wider—try adding another finger to increase the volume.

Here’s a relevant books you may be interested in: Sex Toys 101.