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Hi everyone,Firstly, I'd like to thank Dallas for so kindly offering up this here blog for me to pontificate this week. Briefly, my name is Rachel Kramer Bussel. I live in New York and am a writer and editor, Lusty Lady blogger, reading series host, and in G-rated territory, a cupcake blogger (though my friend Audacia Ray recently did a cupcake foot fetish shoot (see accompanying photo) for FootFemme.com that will have you thinking about cupcakes in a whole new way!).Spanking is one of my favorite things to talk about or to do, so I figured I'd start with that. I've edited two books of spanking erotica and am working on another one. Nowadays, my actual spanking fun is few and far between (though you can catch a video of me being spanked here - and while I wouldn't say it's safe for work, I'm clothed, and even wearing "This is what a feminist looks like" panties that I got at local feminist bookstore Bluestockings).On the newly soft launched sex site Thepeeq.com (where I wrote a piece about ?Girls Gone Bi?), there?s an article called ?Hitting the He-Spot? by Jack Wilson, all about guys taking a finger or a toy up the ass. ?Depending on whom you ask butt play is hot, disgusting, normal, weird, icky or yummy,? he writes. Wilson also quotes Babeland?s Carolyn Riccardi, as well as several other experts, on why taking it up the butt is pleasurable, all the while trying to convince his guy friends that there?s nothing wrong with a little backdoor action (they're skeptical).Recently, I got to have some unexpected fun with a man?s bottom. No, we weren't exactly in "Bend Over Boyfriend" territory, but it was plenty hot, believe me. We had arranged for a spanking date, pretty much, but one in which I was picturing him spanking me. That happened, and was quite intense, so I wasn?t expecting it when he asked to be on the receiving end. I settled him across my lap (my absolute favorite position for delivering spankings). He was naked, while I had my clothes on, which for me further enhanced the power dynamics of the situation. I began slapping his cheeks, wishing I?d brought one of my beloved paddles. Soon it was clear that he wanted more?namely, my finger up his ass.To me, spanking someone, having them spread out before you so needy and vulnerable, is one of the most exciting feelings in the world. Someone is offering up their body, exposing themselves in a way that is highly personal. Also, this guy, as well as other people I?ve spanked, get so into it that the spanking takes them to a new place where their ideas of what they want out of the scene expand. We went from having me use simply my pinkie along with some Vaseline (alas, we did not have any real lube handy) to my index finger, and I got us both worked up into a fantasy where I was using a butt plug on him while another woman watched us or alternately participated. Feeling him squirm beneath me, being able to stroke his forehead or let him suck on my fingers while I delivered one sound slap after another, was, in many ways, even more pleasurable than being bent over and smacked myself. For me, it?s a different kind of high, one rooted as much in my mind as my body.The combination of spanking someone, talking dirty, and getting to fuck them up the ass takes it to a whole other level. I quickly realized that whether it's one finger or two, or a butt plug, big or small, it's all about how it feels to that person. I get the impression that some people are so gung-ho to ram something really big up someone else's ass that they lose sight of the pleasure they could both be having. I've been on the receiving end of anal sex that was anything but fun, and was way too goal-oriented. It's not something to engage in when you're in a huge rush (in my opinion), because you don't get to really savor watching your finger(s) or a toy disappear between someone's cheeks, watching them squeeze and process the delightful invasion, hearing them moan and beg for more. Whoever you are, if you think your partner might be into anal, probe further (yes, pun intended).I will say that I think you should disregard whatever statistics are cropping up (10% according to Wilson's piece) about how many men like it up the butt. Who cares? The more important question is--do you? Because for me, I never go into any sexual encounter with a set agenda. I want to do things that are mutually pleasurable, and I get off (so to speak) when you get off. It's not about checking something off your to do list but exploring what you genuinely desire. I'm sure for plenty of men (and women), anal sex and/or spanking is something they'd rather skip right on by, and that's fine. I hate the idea that people feel compelled to "keep up with the Joneses" when it comes to sex. NO NO NO NO NO. Keep up with yourself! When I saw how enthusiastically my date was responding to being spanked, I asked how long it had been since he last was on the receiving end of a firm slap. "A few years" was his reply. If you ask me, that's a shame, because he so clearly enjoyed it. Figure out what makes you moan and whimper and lose track of time, and find ways to make that a regular part of your life, instead of pursuing something you think you "should" be doing. Sex can be a lot of fun, but it's not a trend or a fad. It's highly personal and the more you key into what you want out of it, the more likely you'll be to enjoy it.p.s. I'll be blogging here all week, so please say hi, either in the comments, or send links and tips or just tell me about your favorite sex toys (or spanking stories) at rachelkramerbussel at gmail.com - also, Dallas asked me to include some photos in this post, so even though this was about guy's asses, here's one of mine (I hope it's not overkill!). And if you need to know, the panties are from Victoria's Secret and yes, I've been spanked while wearing them.my feminist ass, my real panties to my index finger, and I got us both worked up into a fantasy where I was using a butt plug on him while another woman watched us or alternately participated. Feeling him squirm beneath me, being able to stroke his forehead or let him suck on my fingers while I delivered one sound slap after another, was, in many ways, even more pleasurable than being bent over and smacked myself. For me, it?s a different kind of high, one rooted as much in my mind as my body.The combination of spanking someone, talking dirty, and getting to fuck them up the ass takes it to a whole other level. I quickly realized that whether it's one finger or two, or a butt plug, big or small, it's all about how it feels to that person. I get the impression that some people are so gung-ho to ram something really big up someone else's ass that they lose sight of the pleasure they could both be having. I've been on the receiving end of anal sex that was anything but fun, and was way too goal-oriented. It's not something to engage in when you're in a huge rush (in my opinion), because you don't get to really savor watching your finger(s) or a toy disappear between someone's cheeks, watching them squeeze and process the delightful invasion, hearing them moan and beg for more. Whoever you are, if you think your partner might be into anal, probe further (yes, pun intended).I will say that I think you should disregard whatever statistics are cropping up (10% according to Wilson's piece) about how many men like it up the butt. Who cares? The more important question is--do you? Because for me, I never go into any sexual encounter with a set agenda. I want to do things that are mutually pleasurable, and I get off (so to speak) when you get off. It's not about checking something off your to do list but exploring what you genuinely desire. I'm sure for plenty of men (and women), anal sex and/or spanking is something they'd rather skip right on by, and that's fine. I hate the idea that people feel compelled to "keep up with the Joneses" when it comes to sex. NO NO NO NO NO. Keep up with yourself! When I saw how enthusiastically my date was responding to being spanked, I asked how long it had been since he last was on the receiving end of a firm slap. "A few years" was his reply. If you ask me, that's a shame, because he so clearly enjoyed it. Figure out what makes you moan and whimper and lose track of time, and find ways to make that a regular part of your life, instead of pursuing something you think you "should" be doing. Sex can be a lot of fun, but it's not a trend or a fad. It's highly personal and the more you key into what you want out of it, the more likely you'll be to enjoy it.p.s. I'll be blogging here all week, so please say hi, either in the comments, or send links and tips or just tell me about your favorite sex toys (or spanking stories) at rachelkramerbussel at gmail.com - also, Dallas asked me to include some photos in this post, so even though this was about guy's asses, here's one of mine (I hope it's not overkill!). And if you need to know, the panties are from Victoria's Secret and yes, I've been spanked while wearing them.my feminist ass, my real panties