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How To Bend Over Your Boyfriendby Alicia Guinn

We love anal play here at Babeland!  Over the years, we'vebeen thrilled to see an amazing increase in the number of couples wanting to explore anal pleasure.  It's heartwarmingto see all sorts of people — from punk kids to grandparents — shoppingfor dildos and harnesses and exploring an often overlooked center ofsexual pleasure.  The phenomenon of women penetrating their malepartners (also called pegging) has spawned a successful video seriescalled Bend Over Boyfriend, a great resource worth checking out.

What's So Great About Anal Sex Anyway?

People love anal play because it feels great.  While oursocietyis rife with rumors that anal play is painful and damaging to ourbodies, the truth is that butt sex can be healthy and extremelypleasurable.  Our assholes are packed with nerve endings, andthey're the same kind of nerve endings found throughout our genitals:the ones that make other types of sex pleasurable.  Analpenetration is also the most direct way to stimulate the prostate, the maleequivalent of the G-spot.  To find it, insert a well-lubed finger anally and feel along the front wall of therectum (toward your partner's belly button).  It's about two tothree inchesinside, and it has a slightly crinkled texture that people compare tothe surface of a walnut.  Some men can have orgasms from havingtheir prostates stimulated.

If your partner is hesitant to explore their butt, you may have to dispelsome of the rumors they've heard about anal sex.  Let's just addresssome of the common myths upfront:

  • "It hurts!" Generally, anal sex hurts if you're going too fast or without lube.  The majority of us carry a lot of tension in ourassholes, the same way we carry stress in our shoulders.  Painresults when an object is forced through tight sphincter muscles,damaging the delicate anal tissues. If anal sex ever hurts, you shouldstop or take the stimulation back a notch.  Remember: the key toanal pleasure is relaxation and lubrication!  We highly recommend Maximus or Sliquid Sassy Booty Lube for anal play. (Please don't ever use numbingcreams for anal sex; pain is a warning signal from our bodiesthat we should take seriously.)
  •  "It gives you hemorrhoids (and/or uncontrollable bowels)!" Most peoplefind that when they start exploring butt play, their anal healthimproves.  All muscles benefit from the increased circulation thatresults from exercise and relaxation.
  • "It's messy!" Although you're likely to encounter some poop at some point in youranal sexplorations, it's probably going to be a lot less than youimagined.  Most anal play engages only the first few inches of theanus and rectum, which do not store feces.  Many people find thata thorough wash in the shower does the trick for removing any surfacegrime.  If you're fastidious about cleaning, try a Deluxe Anal Douche; douche with regular room-temperature tap water (no soap!) a few hours before youplay. 
  • "It means you're gay!" People of all genders and orientations enjoyanal play.  We all have butts, after all!  Besides, it's a myth that allgay men only have anal sex.  In fact, the majority of gay menreport that oral sex is their favorite sexual activity.

The Right Stuff

So what's the "right way" to do anal sex?  Each of these steps is crucial to happy butt sex.

  1. Relax. Bend-over beginners need to learn to relax thesphincter muscles that ring the anal opening. Learning to relax thesemuscles can take time, especially after years of neglect or tension.Run your finger along the anus to relax it first. Gently insert a well-lubedfinger into the anus. Ask your partner to push out gently as if trying to havea bowel movement, and that will relax the outer sphincter enough toslip in a finger or butt toy. Good beginner butt plugs are Little Flirt, Ripple Plug, and Pop Plugs.
  2. Communicate. It's important that the person beingpenetrated control the pace of play. Nothing should ever be forced orhurried in anal play, and partners should stay in close communicationabout what feels good (and what doesn't).
  3. Use lots of lube.Don't skimp on lube! The fragile lining of the anusdoes not self-lubricate, so addeven more lube than you think you need.  Generously lube the anus and your toy, and reapply often. A thick lube like Sliquid Sassy Booty Lube stays where you put it, and can protect delicate anal tissues.
  4. Go slow. Especially at first, when your toy or finger enters the anus, your partner will need some time to adjust tothe sensation. Check in about what feels good. As he learns to relaxhis sphincter muscle, he'll probably request  more vigorousthrusting.

Saddle Up, Cowgirl!

Once you've both mastered the "ins and outs" of anal play, it's timefor action!  Here's a quick guide to harnesses, dildos, and otheranal accoutrements.

  • Harnesses.  TheJaguar harness is very stable andcomfortable.  It is also extremely versatile with interchangeable O-rings which can accommodate different sized dildos.  The Joque Harness is another top-notch, extremely comfortable harness.  
  • Dildos. Many people prefer to start small with dildos for analplay.  If you're using a dildo by hand, make sure that it has alarge base to keep it from disappearing into your honey's butt. That same base allows you to use the dildo in a harness.  Silkdildos are as smooth and sleek as their name suggests.  Thesmallest one is about the size of a large finger.   If you're using a dildo in a harness, choose one with a slight curveand strap it in so the curve points toward his prostate (up or down, depending on the positioning of your bodies).  The G-Curve is a great choice for boys who like prostate action, while thelong, slim Vibrating Mistress is the answer for people who havetrouble with shorter dildos popping out during use.
  • "What's in it for me?" Besides seeing your sweetie writhing inecstasy, you can double your own pleasure while wearing a harness byfollowing one of these tips.  Double dildos like the Nexus Jr. or Share allow for both partners to be penetrated at once.    The ingenious Buzz Me Tender harness has strategically-placed pockets for vibrators. The Bend Over Beginner kit has it all: a plush harness with an included vibe, and two silicone dildos, in different sizes.

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