by Alicia Guinn
Most people don?t know that orgasm and ejaculation are two distinct bodily functions. Both men and women can ejaculate. (See ?How to Female Ejaculate? for more information!) And people of all genders can learn to control ejaculation. For most men, learning to separate orgasm and ejaculation means gaining the ability to have multiple orgasms.
Mantak Chia and Douglas Abrams?excellent book The Multi-Orgasmic Man outlines a program for men who want to explore this uncharted territory. It?s a process that requires time, patience, and lots of fun solo practice. We?ve collected our favorite tips from their book to help you get started:
Breathe. Our breath is the link between mind and body. On most days, we don?t think much about our breathing. It?s a completely unconscious, automatic bodily function. However, when we breathe mindfully, we can make a conscious connection between mind and body. Practice taking long, deep, relaxed breaths through your nose. Breathe into your belly, and concentrate on how the breath feels in your body.
Build Concentration. Concentration is essential to achieving control over ejaculation. You can improve your ability to concentrate by counting breaths during your breathing practice. When your mind inevitably wanders, bring your attention back to your breath and start counting your breaths again. A class in basic meditation can also help improve your concentration skills.
Exercise Your PC Muscle. Your pubococcygeus muscle?or PC muscle for short?connects your pubic bone to your tailbone. It runs between your legs and through the center of your genitals. Kegel exercises?contracting and releasing your PC muscle?can lead to greater PC muscle strength, which is great for general health as well as for achieving stronger orgasms. Greater PC muscle control can also help you learn to control ejaculation. You can find your PC muscle by practicing stopping and starting the flow of urine. After you?ve isolated the muscle, you can practice your Kegels anywhere! You might also find that squeezing your PC muscle is even more pleasurable if you're wearing a butt plug or playing with the Aneros prostate stimulator.
Masturbate. When we masturbate, many of us come as quickly as possible. We either got into the habit as a tactic for minimizing the possibility of getting caught "in the act" when we were growing up or simply because we like getting to "the good part." You may have to battle these comforting habits to learn to separate orgasm and ejaculation.
Take your time! Play as long as you possibly can without coming, with the goal of extending masturbation beyond 15 minutes.
Focus on your bodily sensations, especially the feelings that accompany the climb to orgasm and ejaculation.
Explore touching of all of your genitals, both the shaft and head of the penis as well as the testicles, perineum, and anus.
Control Ejaculation. There are several techniques for controlling ejaculation. Different techniques work for different people. Try out these ideas from The Multi-Orgasmic Man:
The simplest way to control ejaculation is to stop stimulation. Get to know your body, especially the sensations that signal the climb to ejaculation. When you feel those sensations, simply stop stimulation until the feelings subside. Then start again!
Another simple method is the "scrotal tug." When your body prepares to ejaculate, the scrotum moves up toward the body. Simply circle your fingers around your scrotum between the testicles and the rest of your body. Gently but firmly pull your scrotum down.
Some men find that their breath helps them control ejaculation. When you feel the urge to ejaculate, experiment with deep, slow breaths or quick shallow ones.
If you?ve been practicing your Kegel exercises, you can also try squeezing your PC muscle when you feel the urge to ejaculate.
Circulating your sexual energy can also help you avoid ejaculation. Visualize hot, sexual energy gathering in your pelvis, and imagine moving it up your spine, over your head, and into your belly.
Keep It Playful and Pleasurable. Don?t take your practice too seriously! Sex should be fun and enjoyable, and your solo play should be a form of experimentation and exploration. If you find yourself feeling bored or frustrated, try not to be too goal-oriented in your search for multiple orgasms.
Share It. You'll find that learning how to separate ejaculation from orgasm can really help during partner sex. Delaying ejaculation or orgasm can help keep you attuned to your partner's needs. You'll find excellent suggestions for incoproarting these techniques into your sex life in The Multi-Orgasmic Couple.
