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by Alicia Guinn

Is your love life losing its spark?  Has boredom crept into yourbedroom? Don't despair — what's happening to you is perfectly normal.Everyone falls into sexual ruts now and then because routines, bydefinition, are easy and comforting. We discover one way to getourselves or our partners off, and then we repeat. And repeat.

Much as we'd like to wave our magic wand over your bed and restore yoursex life to its former glory, there really is no one surefire toy orquick fix. However, with a bit of inspiration and a willingness toexplore, you'll be surprised at how a few simple changes can get you onthe road to a more fulfilling sex life.

  1. Know Thyself. In the quest to break out ofyour rut, consider yourself a private eye assigned to investigate themysteries of your sexuality. What do you like?  What do youfantasize about? Because our society defines sex so narrowly, alot of people have trouble imagining sexual possibilities beyond theircurrent repertoire.  Start your investigation with a littleresearch. Buy a general sex guide like Moregasm: Babeland's Guide to Mind-Blowing Sex and take a good look at some of the activities that may haveintrigued you in the past. Maybe you've always been curious about analsex, or you've harbored a secret desire to be spanked. Give yourselfpermission to explore these desires further.
  2. Talk, Talk, Talk. Talking to your partner about sexis crucial to developing a great sex life.  And practicing yourcommunication skills doesn't have to be a drag. Taking turnstelling each other hot stories is a great way to communicate to your partner what you like or what you'd like to explore. If you need some prompts, check out the thought-provoking Sex Questions game; if talking seems too intimidating, consider writing your partner a note detailing one of your hottest fantasies, or agree to meet online and engage in a little cybersex. 
  3. Shake it Up. Take a good look at your usualsexual routine. Do you always have sex in the same place? At the same time? Does every encounter consist of the sameactivities, in roughly the same order? Start to imaginepossibilities that excite you beyond your usual habits. If youalways have sex in bed right before you fall asleep, what would happenif you initiated sex in the morning or on a weekend afternoon when youdon't have any obligations? Think about your sexual patterns. Do you and your sweetie alwaysindulge in a good, serious hour of lovemaking? Or do you like it quick and dirty? If you usually putaside an hour or two for sex, try a quickie.  And vice versa.
  4. Try Something New. In a society thatdiscourages sexual exploration and gives us only a small menu of sexual choices appropriate for "good people," it takes courage and initiative to try new things. However, one of the best things about exploring new avenues in your sex life is that it builds intimacy between partners. On top of that, change requires risk-taking, which all by itself can set your pulse racing. Make the commitment to try at least one newthing each month. You can start small: masturbate with a new toy (try a couple's toy like the Duet Vibrating Cock Ring, which adds vibration for both partners during penetration, or the We-Vibe II, which adds hands-free clitoral and G-spot vibration during sex). Try a new sex position, or go for something more ambitious, like a foray into anal sex or BDSM. Now's the time to accept your desires and get to work.
  5. Sex Dates. That's right — make a date forsex. By planning sex dates, you and your partner are reaffirming the importance of sex in your life, and you're actively creating the time and space for sex. Although it seems counter-intuitive, you'll tap into a key ingredient of sexual arousal: anticipation. Sex dates shouldn't be just another obligation in your already busy schedule; they're an opportunity to put all of your everyday worries on the back burner and completely enjoy sex. 
  6. Play Games. Erotic games are a great way to introducenew ideas into your relationship in a fun and non-threatening way. Theyalso take the pressure off either of you to initiate sex. Games like Naughty Bedroom Dice, Let's Play Doctor, and the 101 Nights of Grrreat Sex Game leave the sexualactivity up to chance, so your encounters don't have a pre-scriptedquality.
  7. Erotic Inspiration. Use erotica, whether it'sstories, pictures, or videos, to discover what turns you on.During your exploration, you might find hot spots you never knewexisted.  Involve your partner in your research and not only willyou gain new insights into his or her libido, you'll both get turned onin the process. Sample a variety of erotica in anthologies like Best of the Best Women's Erotica 2. Don'twrite off porn, either; there's an increasing diversity in porn, andalthough it can take a while to find porn that suits you, you'll findit's worth the search in the end. Check out our Smart Girl's Guide to Porn if you're new to the wonderful world of onscreen sex.  
  8. Good for a Laugh. And last but not least, try to lightenup in the bedroom. Don't worry so much about performance, timing, orexpectations. Just set out to have fun, and don't be afraid to laugh atyourselves. Why not break the ice and start out with a good laugh ? trypulling on the Babeland Remote Vibrating Panty, and have your sweetie turn you on from across a crowded room. Or slip the elegant, rechargeable Tor Vibrating Cock Ring over your penis, and you'll be smiling while getting your buzz on.

Enjoy yourselves! Don't get so focused on change, or unrealisticexpectations, that you forget to relax and enjoy the ride. Remember, wecan tell you how to spice things up, but you've got to supply the mainingredients: enthusiasm, humor, and imagination!