How to Prepare for Anal Sex: Pleasure Tips for First-Timers

You?re probably reading this article because you?re curious about how to enjoy anal sex and pleasure. We?ll guide you through everything you need to know about how to prepare for anal sex, especially if it?s your first time getting sexually intimate with the booty. And remember- there?s no shame in enjoying any part of your body, either alone or consensually with others! 

Let?s start with the very definition of sex. Many people think of sex as penetration, but that isn?t the whole story. Pleasuring the anus with fingers or toys and pleasuring a partner?s anus with your mouth (aka rimming or eating ass) are also types of anal sex. Anal play can be part of masturbation, too. 

Harmful anal sex myths and stigmas

?Does anal make you gay?? is a worry for some straight guys who are curious about anal play. Some people associate anal sex only with gay men, but giving or receiving anal pleasure isn?t ?gay? or ?straight.? People of all sexual orientations can enjoy anal sex, including straight men.

Another common worry - is anal sex dirty? ?It?s an exit, not an entrance!? is a popular objection. Yep, poop comes out of our butts, but it?s possible to be really hygienic and safe. Keep reading to learn how to prepare for anal sex!            

Anal sex hygiene, prep, and safety tips

People have different personal preferences when it comes to how to prep for anal sex, but there are some basics we should all start with. 
When preparing for anal sex, you?ll want to learn a little about bodies. The anus (butthole) is the opening. The rectum is the space right inside, where our poop sits before we eliminate it. 

Understandably so, pooping during sex is something people worry about. But most of the time, there is no poop in the rectum unless we activelyneed to go to the bathroom. When there is poop waiting to leave our bodies, nerve endings signal to our brains that it?s time to go. If you have that feeling, it?s not the best time to have anal sex! But if you can tell that your rectum is empty and you?ve pooped in the last few hours, you?re probably in the clear. This knowledge is handy in terms of deciding whether or not it?s a good time to bottom (be the receptive partner). 

Douching and pre-sex clean-out

Learning how to clean for anal sex is an important part of anal sex prep! Because there could be poop bacteria in the area (even just traces), wash your butt before any play- especially before rimming. Wash on the outside with gentle soap and water. Bidets are great, too!  

Whether or not you do anything more to prepare is your choice. Some people like to use enemas or anal douches (flushing the rectum with water) before they bottom.

You don?t need to use an anal douche or enema, but some people feel way more comfortable if they do. If it helps you relax and enjoy yourself, go for it! To douche safely, use water that?s cooler than lukewarm, follow any instructions on the package, and don?t do it more than a few times a week.  

There are a few different kinds of douches (bulb douches and shower douches, for example), and you might want to try different options before landing on the best anal douche for you. If you want to douche without a douche, like if you don?t have one at home, a plastic water bottle with a squirt nozzle can work in a pinch! Lube up the tip before inserting it. 

If you or your partner has a vagina, never insert any object into the vagina right after using it for anal sex. Wash it off with soap and water in between or use a new condom, please! Wash your hands too. Vaginas are full of delicate bacteria, and we don?t want any bacteria from the butt getting inside to cause an infection. 

Some other anal play tips include having sex on an old towel or designated sex blanket and keeping some hypoallergenic wipes nearby for quick, easy cleanup. 

The bottom (lol) line, though: if you?re having anal sex, you may encounter poop, usually just a small amount. Could you and/or your partner handle that? Can everyone deal and not be too upset if it happens? Just some things to consider!

Remember toy safety

If you?re planning on using an anal toy, always remember that toys meant for anal play must have a flared base. This keeps them from sliding into the rectum and then getting lost in our bodies. This can and does happen- just ask an ER doc! 

Why lube is non-negotiable for anal sex

Lube is a must-have when considering how to prepare for anal sex. Unlike the vagina, the rectum doesn?t self-lubricate, and the tissue in our butts is delicate. Lube is a key part of how to prepare for anal play of any kind, even just using the smallest finger or anal toy. Lube makes things slippery and more comfortable! 

A few key points for choosing the best lube for anal sex:

• • • • • • • • • • Many people enjoy the thickness and lasting power of silicone lube for anal sex. 
                  • Both water based and silicone based lubes are compatible with latex condoms.* 
                  • Only water based lubes are compatible with silicone toys. Try a thicker water based lube like Sutil. 
                  • A great anal sex lube, hybrid lube is safe for use with both latex and silicone toys.

*One more thing to consider: bottoming for anal sex is a high risk activity when it comes to STIs and HIV. Use a condom to reduce your risk. Bonus: condoms make cleanup easier! 

Relaxation techniques to make anal less painful 

Does anal sex get easier? Yes, with these tips! Is painful anal sex inevitable? No, but it?s realistic to experience some discomfort! Let?s learn how to prepare for anal sex and how to make anal sex less painful by warming up first.

Anal sex isn?t supposed to hurt, and you can take measures to ensure that it?s easier to do. Don?t just try to shove something in there without lube or warming up and expect it to be easy! If you?ve seen that happen in porn, that?s because actors prepare offscreen by using anal toys. 

Why is relaxation so important?

When we insert something into our butts, the anal sphincter (the ring of muscle just inside the anal opening) needs to stretch out to accommodate it. Being tense or nervous can make our anal sphincters clench. If you don?t feel relaxed in general, address that first- it?s a crucial part of how to make bottoming less painful. Breathe deeply and take your time.  

It can really help to begin by focusing on pleasure in other parts of your body.  If partner A is bottoming, partner B can warm them up first with kissing, touching, oral sex, or anything else Partner A likes. Having an orgasm first is a great way to relax before anal. 

When you?re ready for butt stuff, begin anal play by stimulating the anus on the outside. Some people enjoy rimming before penetration. You can also use a lubed-up finger and play around the outside before entering. Try different kinds of strokes and pressure. Put in one finger before trying two. Start with a smaller toy before trying a larger toy. These things don?t have to be foreplay- they can be the main event on their own! 

How to use anal toys (and our top picks)

There are so many different anal toys to explore, but we?ll break it down into a few main categories. 

Butt Plugs

Anal plugs, or butt plugs, are toys meant for insertion. They come in different sizes from little for beginners to larger for the more experienced. If you?re looking for a range of sizes, you can even buy them in a set. Anal plug play can be done solo or with a partner. 
Anal plugs provide a full sensation that a lot of people love. You can use them just during sex or wear them for short periods of time (experts recommend 30 minutes max). Vibrating butt plugs can feel incredible, adding a buzzing sensation to the experience. Rimming butt plugs are also super fun to explore - they actually mimic the sensation of being rimmed! 

Anal Beads

Anal beads are small bulbs attached to a cord with a handle at one end. Some strings have beads that are all the same size, while others have a sequence of small to large anal beads. Beads are an anal play toy that you slowly insert one by one and then pull out right before or during orgasm.
Removing the beads stimulates all those sensitive nerves in the anus, which can add mind-blowing pleasure and enhance orgasm. The best advice on how to use anal beads is to remove them slowly because they can provide a really great ?pop? sensation that?s wonderful whether you?re coming or on the edge! 

Anal Dildos

Any dildo with a flared base is safe for anal play- and there are plenty of dildos that are small and ideal for beginners or those who just prefer a smaller size! Dildos can be used to slide in and out at your desired pace. 

Training Sets

Anal training kits are great for those looking to work their way up in size. These sets will have anal toys in graduating sizes so that you can start small, and then level up to larger sizes over time as your body becomes comfortable and used to the sensation. You can learn more about anal training here.

Vibrators

Vibrators of any kind can be used externally on the anus, warming you up for penetration, or just as an enjoyable sensation on its own. If you?re using a vibrator for anal penetration, make sure it has a flared base, and is made of a non-porous material, like silicone. Wash it thoroughly before and after use, making sure it?s clean before using it anywhere else on the body again.

It can be really powerful to layer different types of sexual stimulation- try using a toy on your genitals (like a clitoral vibrator or stroker) at the same time you?re using anal toys. This might really send you to the moon in the best way! 

Everyone has different preferences about what sensations they like to feel in the booty area. Some people love vibration. Some people love the feeling of fullness that a butt plug provides. If you?re an anal sex beginner, start with a smaller toy and work your way up. You?ll learn what you like with practice and experience! 

Using toys for partnered vs. solo anal play

Anal play is not just for people with sexual partners. Your butt, your choice- if you want to explore solo anal play, please do! It can be really helpful to try it first solo (and fully in your control) before you try it with a partner- that way you know what to expect. 
The partner who is bottoming is always in charge of the pace. If they?re ready for penetration, start slowly and communicate clearly throughout. Some people prefer slow anal sex for the entire experience, while others will want to speed it up a bit! 
The topping partner can ask questions like:

Is this comfortable? Do you need me to slow down? Speed up? Do we have enough lube? Are you okay? Tell me when to keep going - etc.

The bottoming partner can share feedback like: 

Slow down for a second so I can relax more. I need some more lube. Stop pushing further in until I tell you that I?m ready. This feels good / this feels painful/ Great keep going/ Go faster/ I need to stop - etc.

Sex partners can?t read each other?s minds, and communicating clearly throughout sex is one way to ensure that consent is centered.

How to clean anal toys and other aftercare tips

You?re going to want to make sure that you keep your toys clean - either with antibacterial soap and water, or a product designed for safely and gently cleaning your sex toys. Clean them as soon as possible after sex and let them air dry.
Always, always clean your toys or switch out a condom first if you are planning on going from anal to vaginal penetration to avoid bacteria or infections.

Caring for your body after anal

If you or a partner bottomed, wash the anus gently with soap and warm water, and know that things may feel a little tender afterward. A warm bath with Epsom salts can feel nice. A little bleeding after anal sex is not usually any cause for concern, as it often may happen due to microtears in the tissue. However - if you experience a lot of blood, prolonged bleeding, notice sores, or have any unusual discharge, check in with your doctor.

You probably won?t have straight up diarrhea after anal sex, but it?s normal for some gas, poop, and lube to come out when you sit on the toilet right after.

If you played with a partner, it?s also great to check in together about what you liked or didn?t like about the experience and what you think you might want to do differently next time.

Explore with an open mind

While anyone with a butt can enjoy anal pleasure, it?s also cool if you try it and it?s not for you.  Trying something new sexually and finding out you don?t like it is not a fail. It?s just new information!

Everyone has different ?menus? of what gets us hot and what we like to do in bed. For some of us, anal sex is never going to be on that menu, while other people really love it. Both are totally okay, and so is changing your mind over time as you have new experiences. 
Here?s to fun, safe anal play and finding whatever brings you pleasure!

Erica Smith, M.Ed. is an award-winning sexuality educator and consultant with 25 years of experience. She is the founder of the Purity Culture Dropout?? Program, which helps people learn all of the sex education that they missed growing up in purity culture- sex ed that is accurate, queer inclusive, trauma informed, compassionate, and comprehensive. You can find her work at purityculturedropout.com.