The Best Foreplay Ideas for a Sexier Valentine's Day

By: Amanda Dames

Valentine's Day is supposed to be the day of love, but in my experience as a sex and relationship coach, it can have the opposite effect. I see it every year. Expectations about how you want to be treated rise, pressure to perform or “return the favor” mounts, and foreplay becomes a hurdle to overcome instead of something you’re excited to enjoy.

Foreplay shouldn’t be seen as a hurdle or puzzle you need to figure out. Foreplay is the foundation of intimacy.

Whether you're in a long-term relationship, dating someone new, or just trying to feel more confident, foreplay is one of the most fun and powerful ways to build desire.

So... What is Foreplay?

If you’ve ever wondered what even is foreplay, the answer is simple:

Foreplay is anything that builds erotic energy, anticipation, and connection before intimacy. Whether that intimacy includes penetration or not is up to you. Outercourse, anyone?

Foreplay includes physical touch, words, play, and sometimes even a little housework. I know it sounds confusing because that could be anything. But the short answer is, if it turns you on, slows you down, or helps you feel more connected, it’s foreplay.

And there’s no timeframe on it either. Foreplay can start hours, days, or even weeks before you're in the bedroom. A lingering kiss. A shared fantasy. Taking the trash out and replacing the trash bag on a weekly basis. All of it matters.

Why Is Foreplay Important?

Foreplay is the primer that signals your body and nervous system that it's safe to be vulnerable, intimate, and aroused.

Physically, it increases blood flow, lubrication, sensitivity, and pleasure. Emotionally, it builds trust, desire, and curiosity. These things are crucial for a true connection with your partner. Many people think they lack the time or energy for sex; however, they may actually be missing attunement to their partner.

Great sex doesn’t just happen. I wish it did. It takes alignment beyond what turns you on. Often, it’s indirect or unspoken communication.

Now, let’s talk about how you can make foreplay low-pressure and fun with playful, approachable ideas you can use year-round.

Foreplay Ideas to try this Valentine’s Day

Now, let’s get into my tried and tested sexy foreplay ideas that are guaranteed to help build a connection with your partner. Foreplay doesn’t always look perfect or sexy - be prepared to laugh, be embarrassed, feel erotic, and go deep.

Sex Games for Couples

A foreplay game takes the pressure off of your creativity and allows you to lead with curiosity. (A staple for intimacy)

The key to these games is that you don’t need to be “good” at anything particular. They’re non-competitive and spontaneous, naturally putting you IN the moment as opposed to observing or worrying about it.

Try this:

Take turns pulling cards or prompts from a couples sex game
Agree that anything can be skipped or modified
Focus on exploring your true feelings and not performing for your partner

Sex games for couples are perfect for easing into new dynamics without awkwardness. Consider trying 100 Questions about Sex to explore each other's headspace or grab a set of Utopia Naughty Party Dice and discover your perfect mix of pleasure and passion.

Ready to get started right now:
(Total time: 60 mins)

Write down two of your favorite fantasies. One that you’ve experienced before and one that you’ve never tried but would like to - no matter how improbable (Think sex on a cloud floating through space).

Take turns asking your partner three thoughtful questions about their fantasies.

Take one simple element of each person’s fantasy. This can be a certain kind of touch or dirty talk. Then take 10 minutes to try it on each other.

Sexting and Dirty Talk

If you feel you don’t know how to sext, I’ve got a few tips to get started.

Sexting isn’t about being explicit; it can be as simple as stating something that happened, and you enjoyed, or as complex as answering an erotic question with zero internal editing, with every thought freely shared between you and your partner.

Try sending:

“I keep thinking about how you kissed my neck last night.”
“I can’t wait to show you what I’m wearing later.”
(Bonus option: Send a photo teasing the outfit)
“Tell me what you’d do if we had ten uninterrupted minutes.”

And if you’re too shy for words? “What The Fuck” is the perfect intro to sexting, although you may never look at emojis the same way again…

Dirty talk can work the same way. Describe sensations or observations instead of trying to create scripts. If you feel awkward, that’s okay! Awkward and sexy can co-exist. You can laugh or say things that sound silly.

Giving someone a window into your deepest thoughts is intimate in itself. You and your partner are exploring your individual secret worlds.

Try saying:

When you take my clothes off, I feel like a present being unwrapped.
The way you smell gets me so excited, I’m instantly turned on.
I love the way you moan when you nibble on my ear.

Sensual Massage & Body Worship

Sensual massage is often considered one of the most intimidating types of foreplay because most of us aren’t trained masseuses! But you don’t need to be an expert to help your partner enjoy the benefits of a sensual massage. Slow, intentional touch can go a long way to helping your partner relax.

Dim the lights, grab a massage oil candle, and start to rub your partner’s body with slow, intentional touch. Worship each part of their body. There’s no pressure to lead anywhere or go beyond a simple light massage. Focus on the areas we don’t usually think about when talking about foreplay and intimacy- hands, lower back, feet, and neck. The goal is to help your partner feel seen and relaxed first and foremost.

Passionate Kissing

Everyone remembers their first kiss. It was a big deal! Then, over time, more interesting or arousing interactions took place, and a lot of people forgot the pure ecstasy of a slow, passionate kiss. Some people never learned how to kiss passionately in the first place.

To kiss passionately, try going back to basics. Keep it slow and sensual. You want to build tension.

Start by kissing softly with your lips. Introduce a little tongue, but then pull back. Keep your tongue relaxed, avoid a darting bullet at all costs!

Build on your pressure and pace, and do not rush through the buildup. Use your hands to explore your partner’s body. And just like body worship, start with the non-traditionally erotic areas like their arms or hips.

Oral Sex

Oral sex does not have to end in climax. It can be the intimacy kickstart to exploring your partner’s body in a more erotic way. While I don’t usually recommend jumping straight into oral as foreplay, it can be fun to track how your partner’s body changes during oral sex. Are they getting harder, wetter, more relaxed?

Take the intimacy up a notch by checking in. Make eye contact and ask them to describe what they like, then adjust accordingly. Mix in some dirty talk and tell your partner how they feel in your mouth. If you want to have a little more fun with it, turn oral sex into more of a game; the receiving partner can apply some flavored lube and have the giving partner guess the flavor.

Nipple Play

I love nipple play! It can be gentle or intense and can be explored with toys and tools or with your hands and mouth. It’s so easy to do.

I recommend starting gently with a light touch over clothing to build desire. Move to direct touch and play with pressure and temperature from gentle to intense.

Sensation toys can add variety without overwhelming sensitivity. For more experienced players, adding nipple clamps can allow you to explore the pleasurable side of pain.

Temperature Play and Sensation Play

Sensation play engages your senses by heightening them or even removing them altogether. You can create sensation through physical stimulation or by removing stimulation, otherwise known as sensory deprivation.

There are so many options - you can play with temperature, sound, and visual stimulation. Try:

Warming lube for massage or oral
Running a Pure Wand under cold water, then using it on your partner
Blindfolding your partner and having them hold your hand to move around

One of my favorite things about sensation play is that almost anything counts as sensation if it’s done with intention.

Dry Humping and Slow Grinding

Yes, dry humping counts as sexy foreplay! There are so many benefits to a good grinding session over clothes.

You get to build anticipation and arousal in a safe way - without pressure to perform. Focus on the parts of your body that are feeling pleasure and how they feel against your partner. Notice the parts of your partner’s body that are becoming aroused.

Sexual Fantasy and Role Play

What’s your favorite sexual fantasy or role play? It can be as simple as role-playing strangers at a bar or fantasizing about an entire kingdom of people showing up to worship you, sitting naked on a throne.

When it comes to your imagination and fantasy, the options are endless. If you’re struggling to come up with ideas, you can start simple:

“What if we pretended we just met?”
“What would you do if I told you I brought a bunch of people over to worship you?”
“What’s a fantasy you’ve never said out loud?”

There is no need to try anything. Start by asking questions and listening to each other’s feedback.

Watching Porn Together

You might be thinking, “Do couples actually watch porn together?” Let me tell you, it is super common! And when you and your partner discuss it ahead of time, it can be a game-changer for intimacy.

Tips:

Discuss what you each like to watch
Find something that interests you both
Don’t treat it as an instruction manual; it’s just entertainment. You’re running your own show
Talk about what you liked after

Porn doesn’t need to be a dirty secret in your relationship. It can be something you share with each other and enjoy together.

Get started!

When it comes to foreplay, there is no ‘right’ way to do it. You and your partner are collaborating, listening, and watching each other. You can keep it as simple as sitting across the table from each other and finding one thing you want to experience with the other person, or as complex as a multiplayer role-play with toys, costumes, and elaborate characters.

The best foreplay is what makes you and your partner feel attuned to, safe, and open to receiving pleasure. It isn’t time-boxed to weekends and holidays; it is a constant practice for you and your partner to explore.

If you lead with curiosity and gratitude, your relationship will thrive.

Amanda Dames

Amanda Dames is a Somatica®-certified sex and relationship coach, sexologist, and host of The Kink Consultant Podcast. With over ten years of experience in kink and intimacy education, she helps individuals and couples deepen connection, communicate desire, and create more fulfilling relationships.