Up Your Strap Game: Strap-On 101

Ready to harness the excitement of trying out some strap-on play?

Whether strap-on play has been on your sexual "to-do" list for quite some time, or if you're just beginning to curiously browse at dildos and harnesses -- getting started can be intimidating. Like many sex toys, using a strap-on may not be as intuitive as using our own body parts, and being able to harness (both literally and figuratively) and control an additional appendage can feel a bit unwieldy and possibly even awkward.

But here's the thing- that learning curve can go by real quickly and you can be a skilled strap-per in no time with the right equipment, time, practice, and - most importantly - communication.

Gather your tools:

Let's start with the equipment. A strap-on refers to a set of two components: a harness and a dildo. There are many ready-to-go sets that have everything you need in one box, or you can go for a more curated version by individually picking a harness (we suggest having the wearer pick this) and a harness-friendly dildo (we suggest having the receiver pick this). For more, you can check out our guide to choosing a strap-on here.

You'll also want a good water-based lubricant. Using a toy is different from using a body part in so many ways - one of which is that you'll want that added slickness to make the experience as pleasurable as possible, especially if you're strapping up for any anal penetration, like pegging.

Get to know your strap:

This may sound odd, but hear us out -- it can really help if the first time you wear your strap is not during sex. Becoming familiar with your new toy can help you to not only get used to things like the added weight and length to your body, but making yourself comfortable wearing it means making yourself more confident wearing it, which is a huge game changer in trying anything new.

Getting to know your strap through watching how others use theirs can be super helpful as well -- aka, watch strap-on porn. Seeing someone use a strap-on with a partner can give some insight (and even some inspiration) when it comes to techniques, moves, positions and more.

Practice makes pleasurable:

Move your body in ways you think you may want to during play -- thrusting, grinding, rolling your hips -- and see how the harness feels against your body, and if there's anything that you need to adjust or move. For folks rocking a leather or firmer-material harness, this is a great opportunity to break it in so it's more comfortable when it's time for action.

A bonus -- practicing by grinding up against some pillows can actually feel pretty good, and you may even discover a new way to masturbate!

Assume the position:

One of the things we mentioned as being a key to the journey to becoming a deft dildo-wearer is time (and, with that, patience). The first time that you do some partnered penetration with your strap, you probably aren't going to be getting into some Cirque-esque positions out of the gate.

Doggy-style is a great start-off for strap-on play, since it allows the receiver to spread their hips and have their body elevated off the bed for the strap-wearer to have more space to get into the right position. From there, both the giver and receiver can control the pace together, since the receiver has the opportunity to back up on the dildo rather than only relying on the pace of the giver's movements.

Another pro-tip: don't be afraid to use your hands. Yes, one of the allures of the strap-on is that it's something that you can do hands-free -- but especially when you're first getting started, don't feel like you can't use your hands to navigate and adjust so that you can hit all the right spots.

Communicate, communicate, communicate!

Because there's no nerve endings in the dildo that are communicating the direct sensations to us, making sure that you check in with your partner is key, especially if it's your first time - either overall or with that particular partner.

If it feels awkward outright asking your partner if something is working -- use dirty talk! Put on your best seductive voice and ask things like "does that feel good?"; "do you want more?"; "do you like that?"

No matter if you're the one giving or receiving, you should not only be checking in with your partner and how they feel, but openly communicating how you feel as well. Don't ever "power through" anything for the sake of doing it -- if you need to adjust, add lube, take a break, switch positions, whatever: ask for it!

That also means you should communicate when things are feeling great! Giving affirmations through moaning, dirty talk, and praise not only lets your partner know that they feel amazing with you -- but that confidence allows us to let go of self-consciousness and really be in the moment. Yes, please!

Get creative:

Of course, strap-on play is incredible for vaginal and anal penetration, but that doesn't have to be all you're limited to with these versatile tools. Getting a blowjob or handjob on a dildo can be really hot -- not only visually, but the sensation of feeling the base of the dildo rubbing against the body can feel great (even orgasmic!).

Explore different types of strap-ons for different types of play: a thigh harness can give opportunity for new positions, a double harness can allow for double penetration and/or added space for folks with penises to rock a strap, adding in vibration with a vibrating dildo or even a vibrating cock ring can elevate the sensations for both wearer and receiver.

So, get ready to harness the power of strap-on play, and remember to communicate and have fun!