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The Best Sex Tips + Toys For Sapphics, Lesbians, Bisexuals, and WLW

By: Lisa Finn

Best Sex Toys for Lesbians

Hey there fellow sapphics (and any curious babes)! It’s Pride month and so we’re celebrating the wonders of WLW sex, from scissoring to straps and everything in between.

Educator’s note: For the purpose of accessibility and inclusion, I’ll be using the word “sapphic” (derived from the Greek poet Sappho, referencing sexual attraction between women) frequently in this article as an umbrella term to refer to lesbians, bisexuals, and other WLW (women-loving women) identities including trans women, non-binary folks and/or anyone else who identifies within this spectrum of queerness.

I also want to make it clear that not all sapphic or sapphic-adjacent folks share the same gender identity and/or anatomy - not all lesbians are cis women! While some of these tips and tricks cater to couples where both partners have vulvas (and some gendered language will be used), non-binary and trans folks are more than welcome in this conversation, and many of these ways to play can be enjoyed regardless of your gender or body. In the end, if these tips apply to you or pique your curiosity, try ‘em out! Your body and your sexuality are yours to explore and enjoy, however you identify.

How do queer women have sex?

In a culture that (still) centers the definition of sex as P-in-V, it’s no surprise that the phrase how do lesbians have sex? is an extremely common search term. And realistically, there’s no right answer! Any couple can decide together how they like to have sex - it can differ from partner to partner, person to person, and even day to day depending on what we’re in the mood for! 

So, before we dive in, let’s debunk some common myths, shall we? 

common myths on women have sexMyth: All lesbians use strap-ons.
Penetration does not need to be involved if you don’t want it to be. Sure, strap-on sex can be fantastic and is often enjoyed by WLW couples, but it isn’t the only way. Mouth play, hand play, toys, grinding, kink - these are all valid ways to have sex, whether or not penetration makes its way onto the menu.

Myth: It’s easier when you have the same anatomy.
Just because you may have the same bits doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll like the same types of stimulation. Sure, if you’re personally familiar with the layout, it may help you locate some hot spots - but every body is different, and even with the same anatomy, something that curls your toes may leave your partner yawning or vice versa. This is why communication is key!

Myth: Lesbian sex in porn isn’t real.
Okay, this one is divisive, because while porn is entertainment and shouldn’t necessarily be viewed as a “how-to” guide, if there’s something you’ve seen in woman-on-woman porn that looks like something you want to give a try, then try it! Scissoring, 69-ing, all of those showy moves you may frequently see in vids are real things that you can explore and discover what does (or doesn’t) work for you and your partner. (BTW, Plenty of the women in these productions love having sex with women and would be really irritated to be considered doing "not real" sexy things!)

Myth: There’s no need for safer sex protection.
No matter what someone’s genitals are, if there’s risk for fluid exchange, there’s risk for STI transmission - that includes oral play, anal play, and vulva-on-vulva play. Plus, if one partner has anatomy that produces semen, even if they are on HRT, there’s pregnancy risk. Also, a few types of STI don't even require fluid exchange at all, like herpes. Using barriers like dental dams or wearable barriers like Lorals can significantly reduce these risks.

Ways to play

The great thing about sex is that there’s no one right way to enjoy it. From our own bodily sensations we can enjoy to using toys and tools, from genital touch to sensation play and kink, from getting ourselves off solo to playing with a partner or two (or three, or six…) - there are countless ways to explore. What we have here are some of the more popular ways we hear WLW couples enjoying some sexy time, but this is by no means a list with any limitations - whatever does it for you and your babe(s), go for it!

Grinding, Tribbing, + Scissoring

Grinding, Tribbing, + ScissoringIf I had a quarter for every time - as a queer woman and as a sex educator - I’ve been asked "is scissoring a real thing?", I’d have enough to pay my meters off for a year. The answer, in short, is: yes! It absolutely is, and it’s something that many folks with vulvas enjoy. 

The umbrella term is tribbing, short for tribadism - a form of sexual activity where stimulation comes from two vulvas being rubbed simultaneously or a vulva rubbing against other parts of a partner's body. Scissoring is a position where the vulvas are directly rubbing against one another - but it isn’t always the acrobatic feat that you see in mainstream porn: you know, the one where both women are on their backs, rolling their hips with their legs intertwined like two pairs of scissors.

There are plenty of ways to enjoy this kind of stimulation without needing the physical stamina and core strength of Supergirl, like grinding against one another’s thighs while intertwined, rubbing up on a partner's knee, or riding on a pubic mound. You can try this in a missionary position, a spooning position, side-by-side and face-to-face, or bring in some pillows, sex wedges, or other positioning furniture to have the extra support of a surface under you and help hoist the body for better access.

Tribbing and grinding can also be a move you incorporate while enjoying other types of play, clothed or unclothed - like moving your hips to bring them together for added friction during a hot makeout sesh … I mean, there’s a reason why TikTok’s the knee thing blew up like it did.

Fingering + Hand Play

Our hands are among the best tools that we have for play - from warming up to getting off. The tips of our fingers for feather-light touch, nails for scratching down someone’s back, well-lubed digits for penetration, the list goes on and on. 

Fingering for G-spot and P-spot play
Ever heard of the “come hither” technique? It’s a hand play technique that uses a curved finger or two making a beckoning motion with firm, rhythmic pressure that both the G-spot and P-spot respond well to. Take as many fingers as you like (two is the most popular, but whatever you and your partner are into works!), insert them (use lube!), and curl them in a way as though you’re signaling someone to come to you, aiming your fingertips towards the front of the body - since these hot spots are located behind the anterior (aka front) wall of the vaginal / anal canals, about 1-3 inches in. Play with speed, pressure, depth - until you find that spot that absolutely drives them wild.

Clitoral fingering techniques
Whether clitoral touch is how you’re kicking things off before you do more, or is going to be the main event, exploring the vulva with your fingertips is a great way to lean in to arousal and get all of the blood flowing to the genital area to make every touch even more sensational. Try using the pads of your fingertips to slowly trace the entire vulva, starting near the thighs. With each lap, slowly move your fingers inwards, making the clit the center point of the circle that you draw, teasing and closing in until you’re making tiny circles on the head of the clitoris. (If your partner is too sensitive for direct touch, circle the clit itself - or try this over underwear.)

Check out even more clitoral hand techniques here.

Fisting play
If you or your sapphic sweetheart are into deep penetration or identify as a size queen (or size royalty), fisting can be an incredible way to explore. Warm up the body first with some external play to get arousal going - you've got to be very turned on for this. Then start off by using one or two fingers, making sure you’re well lubed up and adding more if/when you need to. Then slowly add fingers three and four - making your hand into the shape of a duck's bill - then your thumb if you and your partner are comfortable with that. Once you've successfully made it that far comfortably (and possibly after a few tries!), further inward motion will make your hand ball into a fist inside the body. You can then thrust the hand, or play with moving it to create new pressure sensations.

Safety tip: Don't forcefully move it back and forth (windshield wiper style) - there are ligaments there that hold organs in place and you don't want to damage them. Also, be aware of nails and cuticles - it's a good idea to use a lubed-up well-fitting nitrile or latex glove, but if you don't, trim and file your nails super-short for safety.

Fisting can be really raw and kinky, but can also be a super intimate experience. Just make sure to use lots of lube and keep communicating with your partner as you explore. Read more on fisting here.

Cunnilingus + Oral Play

Cunnilingus + Oral Play

Oral sex is just that - sex! Cunnilingus - aka going down, eating out, eating pussy, etc. - is the act of oral stimulation on the vulva. Using all of the wonderful sensations that our mouths can make - soft licks along the labia with a flat tongue, flickering the tip of the tongue for pinpoint clit stim, kissing along the inner thighs, sucking on the head of the clit, penetrating the vagina with the tongue, humming against your partner for some DIY vibration - these sensations can feel super unique and intimate. All of these techniques can be applied to analingus - aka rimming play - as well, stimulating the super nerve-rich rim of the booty.

Check out our guide on going down here.

 

Sex toys for lesbians and sapphics

One of the best things about sex toys, in my opinion, is that any sex toy that you love using solo can be great to use with a partner, and many partnered sex toys are just as fun to use solo! So whether or not you’ve got a sapphic sweetie to play with, or if you already have a toy that’s your go-to for a hot solo sesh, take some time to explore and get creative.

Strap-ons

A strap-on refers to a harness and dildo paired together and worn for penetrative play. Strap-ons are great for vaginal sex and G-spot play, anal sex (aka pegging) and P-spot exploration, but can also be really hot for other types of play like dildo blowjobs, handjobs, roleplay, or gender affirmation during sex.

Peep our strap-on 101 guide here.

Strap on harnesses

Harnesses come in a variety of styles - from your classic adjustable jockstrap style harnesses to harnesses that pull on like a pair of briefs or boxers, to harnesses that secure your dildo to other parts of the body like the thigh (great for grinding), the face (perfect for an even hotter face-sitting experience), or the hand (for endless positioning possibilities). 

Strap on dildos 

Double dildos and strapless strap-onsA strap-on dildo is any dildo with a base that can be secured into the O-ring of a strap-on harness. Dildos come in all different shapes and sizes - from realistic dildos and pack-and-play dildos (that’s a dildo that doubles as a packer) to fantasy dildos in unique shapes and colors like unicorn horns or tye-dye shafts. Read about choosing the right dildo for you here.

Double dildos and strapless strap-ons

Double dildos are dildos with two insertable ends - these are great for tandem play where both partners can be penetrated at once, or for double penetration (either vaginal/anal or two in one hole). Strapless strap-on dildos are designed to be inserted into the wearer so both partners can enjoy the sensation of fullness, and each movement during play can stimulate the top just as much as the bottom.

Many strapless strap-ons are designed in a way that contours to the wearer’s body to stay without a harness, or you can pair yours with an open-ended harness (meaning you can feed the dildo all the way through the base) to help keep it sturdy if you don’t want to rely on PC muscles to keep your toy in place.

Vibes and more

Clitoral vibrators

Clitoral vibrators

Clitoral vibrators - or external vibes - are toys that are designed to stimulate any external erogenous hot spots, and can feel incredible beyond just the clit! The head of the clitoris responds so well to vibration because of how sensitive it is from its super-high concentration of nerve endings, but these toys can feel great against nipples and other spots on your body where you can enjoy targeted stimulation.

Bullet vibes make for great hand-held toys with a more pinpoint stimulation for targeting smaller areas, while grinding and humping toys offer a broader stimulation so you can rub and ride against them (if you’re into tribbing, check these out), and wand-style vibes provide a deep and powerful vibration for those who like to amp up the intensity of sensations.

G-spot vibes

G-spot vibes are unique because they feature a design meant to help target the G-spot, usually with a curve to aim towards the front wall of the vaginal canal (where the G-spot is located), or they have unique textures or shapes that rub and flicker against this super-sensitive spot as you thrust and play.

Rabbit vibes - aka dual-stim vibrators - are G-spot vibes that have an additional arm with a motor designed to stimulate the clitoris so you can experience a blended sensation of clit and G-spot play all at once. Yes, please.

Here’s our guide on choosing the right G-spot vibe.

Clitoris suckers 

Clitoris suckers 

Clit suckers - also known as suction toys, clitoral air toys, air pleasure vibes - provide a really centralized sensation, targeting the head of the clitoris and using the motion and pulsation of air for this external pleasure zone. Clit suckers like The Rose get their popularity from how unique and intense the sensation they provide are. If you’re someone on HRT experiencing bottom growth, or if you’re someone with more anatomy in that area, there are suction toys that are designed to fit more size - like the Gender X Body Kisses.

Cock rings

What are cock rings doing on a list of sapphic toys (besides the fact that, yes, some sapphic folks have cocks)? Well, they’re one of the most versatile vibes and often get overlooked because many assume that you need a penis to enjoy the perks of a penis ring - but really, vibrating rings make for incredible finger vibes (the ring part acts as a tether to keep it conveniently wrapped around your fingers or hand), can turn any dildo into a vibrating dildo by wearing it around the base of your toy for vibrating strap-on fun, and of course can be worn around the shaft for extra stimulation for any phallus-based play. Cock rings that have larger motors or shapes like rabbit ears can turn your dildo into a dual-stim toy, or can be worn around the base of your digits during fingering play to add extra external sensations against the clit or rim of the booty to level up sensation.

Take your time to explore

Take your time to explore

As we mentioned above, different folks are into different things, and that goes for all genders and sexualities - WLW definitely included. Take the time to explore each other’s bodies, and don’t forget the one golden rule for good sex: communicate!

Talk, play, discover, and find out what sapphic sex means for you.

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